


Fire

by exoplanetpower



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekhyun Is a Little Shit, Chanyeol is jealous, Dramatic Plot, Emotional Rollercoaster, Eventual Smut, F/M, Narcissism, Plot Twists, Psychology, Romance, Stockholm Syndrome, Thriller, kai gonna sneak into the plot soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-01-30 05:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12647118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exoplanetpower/pseuds/exoplanetpower
Summary: Behind the pretty eyes and smiles,Is everything a lie?The sinful desire to escape reality will burn your ethics like fire.





	1. Chapter One

Another client done.

I shut my door and frustratedly go to my desk.

This was not what I wanted.

I pursued my dreams in the psychological field because I thought it would be informative and challenging with intriguing people involved but it wasn't. It wasn't anything like that. I was alone with my own mind that craved unrealistic exercises and scenarios that would make me think.

My phone begins to vibrate in my pocket. I almost ignore it, seeing as the day had been long enough today. Until I see the little name that flashes on the screen:

Baekhyun

My eyes widen. I haven't heard from him since high-school but still kept his number. We were actually good friends before he had to go pursue his dreams as a performer for a group called EXO.

He's incredibly famous now.   
And he's calling me.

I quickly answer and being the phone to my ear:

"Hello?"

"Y/N? How are you?! It's been so long! I found this number on my old phone..."

I freeze.

"Yah! Y/N, are you there?"

"Yes! Hi, sorry- I'm just surprised... I thought you forgot about me! You're famous now, so I'm just a little overwhelmed, seriously--" I laugh nervously but am cut-off by his soft laughter.

"Aish, it's because I haven't called you in so long, I've been so busy. I'm sorry!" He apologizes.

"What? No, no it's fine, I haven't exactly called either I just....um...what can I help you with?" I change the topic.

"I heard you are finally a certified psychologist. Is it true?" He asks.

"It is!" I say dryly, trying to sound happy.

"That's great! I actually have a friend who kind of could use some therapy. He's really cool, and one of our kindest members but he has trouble opening up to us about stuff." Baekhyun explains.

"Ah, he's a member of EXO?" I ask.

"Yeah. Think you could help?" He asks.

I sigh and stay quiet for a moment. I really don't want another client, let alone a superstar, but Baekhyun was one of my most popular friends...

And I still kind of had a crush on him.

"Y/N?"

"Yes! I'd love to help him!" I say cheerfully all the while instantly regretting my words.

"Yay! Y/N, you're really the best!" He screams, and my ears ache.

"Hey! No screaming into the phone!" I scold him playfully.

"I'll bring him by tomorrow morning. Text me the address! Bye!" He laughs.

"Okay, bye." I smile as I hang up and start to text him the address.

• • •

The next morning I wake up early and get ready. My phone buzzes again in my pocket. I pull it out and see that I received a text from Baekhyun saying he was almost here.

I sit on my sofa and browse through EXO's variety of songs. I had never really tried to listen to any but noticed one of their newest albums had come out just a few days ago. I click on a song from the track titled 'Forever' and it plays out loud, taking me by surprise.

Baekhyun's voice was the most easy to spot when he sung and it was beautiful. I was enjoying the song and it's vibes. I always knew Baekhyun was a good singer, but I didn't think he was this good.

The beat dropped and another member with a deep, raspy voice said something about a skirt and starting rapping seductively. It was weird but I liked it. I never listened to something like this before...

Soon, I heard a knock on the door and quickly shut my phone off. My face felt warm. What if they heard me listening to their song? How embarrassing...

I walked over and quickly opened the door to see Baekhyun standing there with a tall friend:

"Forever, forever, forever...." He sang teasingly as he walked in.

I rolled my eyes:

"I was just checking it out. Please, come in."

"Chanyeol, this is Y/N L/N. She's a friend of mine, who agreed to have a few sessions with you. You better behave dude, we're getting this for free cause she's expensive as hell." Baekhyun introduced us.

"You turned the song off in the middle of my rap, did you not like it?" The tall one, Chanyeol, asks playfully, looking down at me.

"Nice to meet you too." I smile.

"Cool place by the way. It's pretty big for an office." Baekhyun exclaims while he glances around as they walk inside.

I avert my attention to him and smile bashfully:

"Ah, thank you. I tried to make it as comfortable as possible."

"I'm sure Chanyeol here will be very comfortable. In any case, I have to go to my grandma's today, so I can't stay that long." Baekhyun frowned, as he looked at me.

"It's fine! Maybe we can catch up some other time!" I waved a hand mindlessly.

Baekhyun snatched my hand and gave it a quick playful kiss:

"I missed you."

I stare at him with confusion and mixed emotions.

"Well, bye then!" He waved off as he let himself out the door and shut it behind him.

Standing there incredibly flustered, I managed to compose myself quickly as I turned to face the man named Chanyeol. He had already taken a seat, crossing one of his long legs over the other while staring at me with a small smile:

"You like him."

I roll my eyes.

"No?" He smirks.

"Slow down, this is your therapy session- not mine." I take a seat across from him and cross my legs, bringing a clipboard and placing it on my lap.

He chuckled faintly and glanced around quietly. He was very polite.

"So, Chanyeol what brings you here today? Baekhyun seemed very insistent that I see you." I click my pen.

"I honestly don't know. He worries about me too much. But I guess that means he's a good friend." He replies, looking at me.

"He claimed that you have trouble opening up to them about certain things. He didn't specify." I say.

"I don't like to bring the mood down. I am known for bringing smiles and laughter to others and I love it. Even if I am in pain I will hide it to make others around me smile." He said with a tone of seriousness.

I nod and begin to jot down a few notes on the clipboard:

"That's kind of you. But there is a flaw in it, no matter how ethical it may seem in your perspective."

"Oh?"

"The more you hold it in, the harder it will become for you to smile to others. Don't you think it would be better for you to find a way to make others smile without hurting yourself?"

"I don't know any other way."

"Well then, that's what I'm here for."


	2. Chapter Two

The room temperature tonight had dropped considerably low because of a draft that recently came through my window. I had been flipping through my calendar to check for important dates while I was waiting for my next appointment with my most interesting patient so far: Park Chanyeol.

He wasn't that interesting but definitely managed to peak my interest during our last appointment. I look through the little bit of notes I already had on him, and come to the conclusion that although I managed to get to know him a little better during our last appointment, I still haven't quite grasped his trust completely.

A few knocks erupt from the other side of the door and I push my chair back slightly before I rise and saunter my way over. I turn the doorknob and open the door to see him. Right on time.

"Good evening." I mutter and step aside to let him in.

His hair was kind of messy, but I suppose it was always like that. He wore a simple t-shirt with jeans today. I don't know why I'm taking a mental note of this.

He flashes me a quick smile and takes a seat where he did last time. I sit across from him.

"You came right on time today. Were you perhaps looking forward to this appointment?" I ask with a simple wave of my hand.

He laughs bashfully and scratches his head:

"So you noticed. Ahhh...kind of. I've been wanting to talk to you about something that happened yesterday."

"Go on."

Chanyeol hesitates slightly, and I mentally take note of it. His face is a bit drained and he seems a bit out of it:

"One of the members started bleeding after practice. He got a simple cut, but since he has a mild case of hemophilia, his blood takes much longer to clot, so there was a lot of blood."

"And...?"

He pauses momentarily to think of his words and choose them carefully before speaking:

"I couldn't stop staring at his blood. Everyone was helping--by either calling a medic or reassuring him--but I felt something nostalgic instead."

"Nostalgic?"

"It reminded me of you." He says softly, with a faint smile as his eyes glittered.

I swallow dryly as I cross my legs and raise an eyebrow at him. He keeps a steady gaze on me:

"Your red lipstick. The hues your cheeks flush when you open the door. It reminds me of blood."

My lips part instinctively to reply but I can't bring myself to say anything. I fall into a state of confusion and intrigue. This is incredibly unprofessional of me.

As much as I'd like to know more about why, the topic itself unfortunately breaches patient-therapist relationship boundaries. 

His head tilts slightly to the side and he exhales a soft laugh, before looking down at his hands that had been on his lap:

"Sorry...I've just been a bit stressed lately."

I clear my throat and compose myself before clicking my pen and beginning to scribble a few useless notes down to relieve the tension in my hand. He remains silent and waits for the scribbling sounds to stop.

My lips feel dry as I blank out and stare at the clipboard on my lap. I look back at him:

"Tell me more."

"Uh...I like guitar, piano...composing lyrics and music. But recently I feel too stressed to do any of these." Chanyeol tries to smile at me to somehow lighten the mood but I can tell he is finding it difficult.

"Often times we will find that we may tire of our hobbies when a period of stress is present. What exactly is making you so stressed?" I ask.

He laughs a hollow laugh and rubs his face, as if to somehow maintain the smile he previously plastered on. When he realizes it is to no avail any longer, he looks at me with a blank expression:

"I get a bad dream at least every other night."

"The same one?" I click my pen and wrote into my clipboard.

He shakes his head and sighs, rubbing his forehead:

"No, different ones every time. I never told anyone though..."

"That's because you are obsessed with putting others in a good mood. It's not a bad thing, but you don't have to try to keep smiling around me." I tell him as I scribble a few more notes.

"You can see right through me...." He mumbles.

"No. Everyone can see you're a good person. The only thing I see is how much it is defecting you. Baekhyun also took notice of it, that's why he brought you here." I look at him and he simply stares at my face.

His blank expression fascinated me. I had finally gotten him to stop lightening up the mood, at least for a little while so he could be genuine with me.

"Describe your dreams to me."

Park Chanyeol bites his bottom lip and averts his gaze down to the floor. Anyone could clearly see that it was a very uncomfortable topic for him to talk about. But I still pushed for answers:

"You don't deserve to keep everything inside from everyone after all the good you've done for others. It is important that you tell me what you see when you close your eyes at night."

He rubs his eyes a bit and sits up in his chair, exhaling an empty laugh:

"I see myself doing the opposite of what I do when I'm awake. I see myself making people frown and sob, not smile. The fictions in my head do not lose their breath from laughing too hard, but from my hands wrapped around their neck. I suffocate the life out of them."

His voice shakes only slightly, but I catch it. I watch his eyes find my hand and the pen in it. He is watching to see if I wrote any of this down.

Many patients are conscious of what their therapists may come to the conclusion of and are often insecure of what they may decide to write. Chanyeol seems to be one of these patients.

I ditch the clipboard and pen and place it on a table beside me. With my hands now rested on my lap I notice his worried eyes move up and stare into my own.

I smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far!


	3. Chapter Three

"Thank you ma'am, have a nice night!" A store clerk says after I pay for a few groceries I purchased.

I grab the heavy bag and ditch my cart as I try to make my way over to my vehicle. It is to no avail as I simply stand there and regret buying this many items. The bag was far too heavy...

"Y/N!"

I hear a voice call out from nearby but when I try to turn and look around I lose my balance and almost topple over. I feel to hands on my arms that steady me quickly before snatching the heavy bag of groceries from me.

"Baekhyun?" My eyes widen.

"Yah! Why are you out so late buying groceries?" He asks playfully.

"I should be asking you!" I point out as we walk to my car.

"I needed a new toothbrush---and if I went shopping any earlier I would be hoarded with fangirls." He turns around and shows me his butt pocket which had one toothbrush in it.

I laugh as he pouts and soon we reach my vehicle. He helps to place it inside and even offers to help me take it home but I shake my head.

"I see you're keen on helping the elderly. Fancy seeing you here, huh?" I joke.

"Y/N, you may act old but you look the same as you did in high school." He laughs.

I give him a playful glare:

"I should get going."

"Wait! I wanted to ask about Chanyeol."

"Chanyeol?" I tilt my head and he nods.

"How is he doing?" Baekhyun asks.

I bite my lip and think for a moment:

"He is opening up a little bit more to me, so I suppose all is going well. But I cannot discuss anything further."

Baekhyun nods and smiles faintly at me:

"Hey, I really appreciate it you know. If you ever need anything- if the therapist ever needs someone to talk to- I'm here." He says playfully.

I chuckle and wave off to him after we say our goodbyes. Starting my car after I had gotten inside, I begin to drive home.

When I arrive I immediately put away the groceries and walk into my living room with exhaustion. I remove all my clothes and freshen up before lazily wrapping a robe around my body. I slump on the sofa and stare blankly at the TV that was off. I see a dark reflection of myself through the screen as I reach for the remote. With the click of a button it switches on to the local news channel:

"The body of a young woman was retrieved from the lake this evening. The police are yet to disclose her identity to the public, but we advise everyone within the area to remain cautiously indoors tonight..."

I change the channel and find a documentary about the Atlantic ocean to occupy my mind. Instead, I keep thinking about how much I fucked up my life. It wasn't that bad of a job, being a therapist, but it was boring. It wasn't how the TV shows had depicted it. I was suffocating from boredom.

The little fish swim around under the water on TV and I watch them with envy. They were so lucky they didn't have to worry about being bored or regretting actions. My eyes begin to grow wet. Was this it? Was this going to be my life? I can't go back to university and study a new field now...I can't afford it.

My grieving thoughts soon become obstructed when I hear knocking at my door. I stand up mindlessly and make my way halfway to the door before I stop and remember what I saw on the news.

What if it's the killer?

My life cannot possibly be that exciting.

I tighten my robe with a sigh and pull open the door to see one of my early morning patients. A boring client with narcissism and daddy issues. Hooray.

"What are you doing here this late? Your appointment isn't until next Tuesday morning..." I ask, standing firmly by my door because he looked like he wanted to come in. Not happening.

"I wanted to tell you something that has been on my mind for a while now." He says, his eyes peering into my own for any reaction.

"Please, make it quick." I sigh, leaning my head against the door-frame to suppress a headache.

He bites his lip and grabs my hand, his sweaty palm touching mine:

"I love you, Y/N."

It was definitely a surprise, since nobody had ever confessed to me like that before, but I was not into him at all. Baekhyun had already set my standards too high, ever since high school. Either way, he was a patient and it was against the rules.

"Will you please go out with me?" He said with a serious tone, his grip tightening.

I yank my hand away when his grip had become too tight for my own comfort and shake my head:

"I can't. You're my patient."

I watch hurt flicker in his eyes before flames of anger burn their dark color:

"It doesn't matter. It shouldn't...matter..."

I shake my head again and swallow dryly. His expression pales and he starts to intimidate me as he steps closer, causing me to take a step back:

"I'm not interested. Please, there's no need to overwhelm yourself-" I try to talk some sense into him but before I can finish he has somehow managed to push me on the floor.

My head hits the edge of the glass table and I feel dizzy, but I don't let myself pass out. I try to prop myself up with my elbows and feel a jolt of pain sting all the way from my spine to my head, it pulses like a horrific migraine. I hear the door shut and lock.

He is in the heat of his moment when he jumps on me and pins me down to the floor.

"You love me. Admit it...I know you do. You're just trying to keep up this act as my therapist when in reality you want..." He unzips his pants and gives me a wild look.

My chest tightens and I stare at his face with fear blossoming inside of me. I knew exactly what was going to happen.

I try with everything I have to push him off of me and manage to slightly get him to loosen his grip on me if only for a second. I quickly stand up and back away slowly into the kitchen as he watches me with narrowed eyes like a snake. My robe hangs off of my shoulder slightly as I shudder and watch him inch closer, a sick grin now plastered on his face as he knows I have no means of escape.

I feel the counter for something. Anything.

An apple that was half-peeled comes into my palm and I desperately move my hand nearby to see if the knife was still there.

It was small, but it was a knife. Sharp and pointy. I didn't know whether or not to feel reassured or completely horrified.

Keeping it behind my back, He soon towers over me, an intense glare fired with lust and wonder lingers in his eyes. He grabs my shoulders roughly, his palms hot and sweaty against my cold skin. Goosebumps engulf my body and I suddenly become impulsive.

It is funny how the end of one life marks the beginning of another.


	4. Chapter Four

Sirens blare in the distance and the street glitters red and blue. I stand in front of my house and watch as the patient I mercilessly stabbed was being taken away. I was still in my robe, and slightly bruised from when I had fallen.

What was becoming of me? This was certainly a sign that I had royally fucked up my entire life by choosing this goddamn profession. What was I thinking? Therapist? Psychology? It wasn't the profession that was flawed, but myself. There was something about me that just wasn't passionate enough about it. Or perhaps I was expecting something else?

"Excuse me, ma'am." I hear a raspy voice call out from nearby.

I turn my head slightly and watch as a fairly tall man in a dusty dark trench coat approaches me. He smells of coffee, his face pale and wrinkly with one cigarette sticking out from in between his teeth. My eyes meet his dark brown ones, and he removes his cigarette with the combination of his middle and index finger to speak:

"Do you have somewhere you can stay for the night? Your house is technically now a crime scene. I suggest you call a friend and stay over, you shouldn't be alone tonight."

A friend? Did I even have a friend that close that I could just call them up and stay over? My parents were days away, and I didn't really have anyone. My head begun to spin at how much my life sucked. 

"I'll check. Thank you, detective...." I say quietly, to which he nods at me and walks away as he resumes his smoking.

I quickly wipe my tears that had started to form as I pulled out my phone and looked at my contact list. My contact list honestly just saddened me every time I looked at it.Everyone was either just a business associate or incredibly far away from me.

Then my eyes locked onto one name on my screen that stood out, and my chest tightened:

Byun Baekhyun

I can't bother him, he's a universal star. He's famous and actually doing something he loves with his life. Who am I to bother him?

"Ma'am. You can't stand here all night." An officer tells me, to which I nod.

I tap his name on my phone and call him, holding the phone close to my ear. I doubt he would pickup, but still hoped desperately that he would. What if he didn't? What would I do? Go to a hotel by myself...? The mere thought of being alone made me sick.

A few moments pass. I almost give up and turn off my phone, until hear someone pick up:

"Hello?" I hear a deep voice answer.

"B-Baekhyun?" My voice trembles by accident.

There is a pause of silence for a few moments before the deep voice speaks again:

"No, this is Chanyeol. Baekhyun fell asleep. Who is this? How did you get his personal number...?"

I curse under my breath as I am about to hang up, but the officer shoots me a glare which gives me no choice:

"It's Y/N, the therapist" I answer weakly, " can you maybe come pick me up? I'll text the address..."

"Mind telling me what's wrong?" He asked with a sincere tone.

Everything.

"A patient attacked me and the police are saying I have to leave because my house is a crime scene..." I explain, sniffing with the urge to release tears.

He keeps quiet on the other end as I let everything that has been stressing me lately spill out in the form of tears. I begin to sob miserably on the phone and the police give me weird looks. The line had gone quiet and I almost hope he hung up before he could hear my crying.

I sniff and quickly wipe my tears:

"Mr Park..?"

"I'm heading over there right now, okay? Text me the address." Is all he says before he hangs up hurriedly.

I text him the address and turn off my phone when I'm done. I hold it close to me as I shudder under the cold and unforgiving night. My head spins at the sight of the red and blue lights and I don't know how much more of this I can take before I eventually break.

Within a few minutes I hear a vehicle speed shamelessly in front of the police and pull up right beside me. It is dark and the window rolls to down. Park Chanyeol looks at me with caution:

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

I shake my head and he steps out of his vehicle and puts his coat around me, before approaching the detective to get permission to take me off the crime scene. He comes back to me and stares down at me with slight concern:

"Hey, you better be telling the truth. If something hurts let me know, okay?"

I nod quickly as I force my lips curl upwards. He seems struck for a few moments, but manages to collect himself before we both get inside his car. I must look terrible.

He starts the engine. I look out of the window and watch as little droplets of rain begin to drip from the blackness of the sky. He drives quietly for about an hour until we reach a strange destination.

"Is this a hotel?" I ask with slight worry.

"Yea...I contacted my manager on my way here and he said you can't be anywhere near our dorm."

My heart sinks at his words. I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't ask for any more from him. He's already done so much for me already.

"It's all paid for. You should be safe there for the night, um....if you need anything you can text me. Or if you get scared, y-you can call me!" He says quickly, snatching my phone and putting his number into my contacts before I could process his words.

"Thank you." I nod slowly, as he hands my phone back to me.

He smiles faintly and I feel my head ache as I step out and wave goodbye to him from the entrance of the hotel.

I clasp my phone tightly in my hand as I sign in at the front desk and soon make my way over to my room.

It is a simple but elegant white theme with two silky queen twin beds and a luxurious toilet in the bathroom. I would've actually enjoyed this place if it wasn't for my current situation.

I drop myself on the bed and sigh, and it is less than a minute later when all the lights in my hotel room go out.

My heart sinks and I try not to overreact but it gets the best of me. I crawl under the covers of the bed quickly and pull out my phone to see one new message:

Park Chanyeol:

U good?

The lights soon flickered back on shortly after I had hid. I crawled out of the covers and sighed with much distress. I didn't want to seem needy but I knew I just couldn't survive this night if I was getting scared of everything so easily.

You:

I don't want to be alone. Could you maybe send someone?

I sent the text with little hope that he would reply. I didn't really expect him to though I mean who was I to bother one of the most prominent figures of kpop-

Park Chanyeol: 

Whats ur room number?

You:

56.

I bite my lip and glance around the room as I feel a cold draft come through from somewhere and brush through me. I cringe and almost feel at ease when my phone vibrates, indicating a reply from him. I look down at my screen and fall into a state of panic:

Park Chanyeol:

I'm coming.


	5. Chapter Five

Moments later, there are two loud knocks on my door. I begin to hope it's just Park Chanyeol but there are butterflies in my stomach. I feel uneasy and somehow still shaken up from what happened earlier today. I slowly open the door:

"Hey." He smiles.

I sigh with relief and step aside to let him in without a word. Park Chanyeol steps in and begins to glance around:

"Why are you scared in a nice place like this?"

"I don't know. The lights started to flicker and I just overreacted. Sorry to worry you." I frown.

He shrugs his jacket off and sets it aside:

"Try to sleep. I'll be here so you don't need to worry about anything."

I stare into his eyes as he does into mine. I only now take notice of how pale his is, and it worries me slightly- as a therapist.

"Are you feeling alright?" I ask directly.

He scoffs and ignores the question playfully. However, his actions defy his actual appearance. He must be stressed from something, but it doesn't seem like he will be letting me know about it right now, so I decide to brush it off.

"Goodnight, Mr Park. Thank you for being here- I feel much more secure." I bow, before I make my way to the little bedroom.

"Goodnight Y/N..."

_____

"Mr. Park, I can't sleep." I walk back out into where he was lounging on the sofa scrolling on his phone. He raises an eyebrow at me.

"Stop calling me that." He whines, and I sit beside him on the sofa.

Then his phone starts ringing. He quickly sits up and picks it up, answering the call by bringing it up to his ear:

"Hello? Baekhyun?"

He glances over at me for a second before resuming the conversation:

"Yea, I am with my therapist. She called you but you didn't pick up so I came to see if she was okay.....huh? Yes, she's fine.....We are at the hotel near our dorm right now.........What? Baekhyun? Baekhyun?" He calls his name but it seems Baekhyun must have hung up.

"What happened?" I ask.

"I think he's coming. Damn, maybe I shouldn't have worried him like that." He sighs, running a hand through his hair.

I sit back on the sofa and watch him carefully. His hair is messed up, it seems he has dyed it again. There are dark circles under his eyes and he seems to have lost weight on his face from the last time we met.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He raises an eyebrow and smirks as if to somehow avert my mind away from these things about him. He was definitely aware of the little psychoanalysis that had been going on in my head. And I could tell he didn't like it, no matter how much he smiled jokingly.

"I see why girls find you attractive." I smile, going along with his playfulness so as to not upset him.

"I hope you are not talking about my brain. You never know what to expect from psychologists." He chuckles.

I laugh at the painful irony.

"Still..." he continues, "I can't believe you texted me because of a few little lights. I wonder what you would have done if I hadn't shown up."

I squint at him, and listen carefully. This was....

embarrassing.

"Um...what do you mean?" I furrow my brows and narrow my eyes as means of masking the red tint that had slowly crept its way up to my cheeks.

He points at my face and begins to burst out into a fit of laughter, collapsing backwards and falling off the sofa as he clutches his stomach. He was so childishly hysterical in this moment that it even made me laugh.

"You are such a terrible liar." He laughs, as he sits up and clutches his chest.

I roll my eyes as I continue to recover from my giggling.

"But you have the prettiest smile." He says breathlessly.

Before I can turn my head and look at him, there is a knock on the door. I decide to quickly get up and answer it. I twist the doorknob and open the door very slowly.

A force pushes against the door, inviting itself in before grabbing me and embracing me:

"Y/N!" Baekhyun pants into my shoulder.

I stagger backwards slightly in surprise, but my face still manages to burn uncontrollably. He quickly pulls away and apologizes, shutting the door behind him:

"I'm just glad you're safe. What happened? I was knocked out an hour ago- gosh Y/N I'm really, really sorry I-"

"It's okay" I somehow find myself smiling with childish bashfulness, "nothing happened...I was just startled by the news of how there is a killer near the area. I was being paranoid." I lie.

I don't need to look at Chanyeol to know he is eyeing me intently. He was probably wondering why I lied.

But my thoughts only last mere seconds as I am soon captivated by Byun Baekhyun's smile. He sighs and gestures me over to sit on the sofa. I sit, finally averting my gaze to Chanyeol who is still on the floor, holding a pillow. Our eye contact is brief. He looks away first.

"So..." Baekhyun lies down on his belly as he sits beside Chanyeol on the floor and looks up at me on the sofa, "what should we do to cheer her up?" He asks Chanyeol, staring at him with playfulness.

Chanyeol lies down in a similar position on his belly and holds a pillow under his elbows like Baekhyun. He looks up at me, a faint smile on his lips as he was deep in his own thoughts just now:

"Do you have any boardgames?"

I think for a moment, before taking a seat on the floor as well and pulling out an extremely old and dusty monopoly board game from under the sofa. I fan off the dust and cough slightly before handing it to Baekhyun who opens it with excitement:

"Woah...this looks ancient..." He exclaims, as he takes out the pieces and inspects them carefully before setting it all up.

Now we are halfway through playing the game when suddenly, I feel an incredible jolt of pain in my head. I wince and drop the piece in my hand by accident. It makes a loud sound and both of them look at me.

"You okay?" Baekhyun asks, ditching the game and scooting over to me.

I nod quickly as I hold the side of my head with one hand to somehow dwindle the pain. This pain must have been a result from earlier when my attacker pushed me and caused my head to hit the table....

"What's wrong?" Baekhyun asks again when he notices I didn't reply before.

"Another one of those gruesome headaches! I think I'm going to go to sleep now." I look at him and smile, doing my very best to avoid the eyes of Chanyeol.

Baekhyun helps me rise to my feet and smiles back at me sweetly:

"I'll get going then. Bro, you coming?"

"I'll come by later. I have to stop by somewhere else first." Chanyeol replies as he stands up and pats his friend on the back.

"Alright. Bye, Y/N! I'll try to see if I can come by tomorrow!" He waves from the door as he lets himself out.

"Bye! Thank you for coming!" I wave off and shut the door behind him, before turning around and exhaling a very deep sigh.

I feel more pain in my head and all I can do is shudder, my eyes closing as I bring my hand back to the side of my head unconsciously once again.

"I take it back." He mumbles quietly.

I open my eyes and see Chanyeol in front of me. He takes my hand lifts my sleeve up roughly, letting the cold air hit the fresh bruises from this evening.

"What?" I squint through the agonizing pain.

His eyes meet mine and his lips crease slightly into an unsettling and satire smile:

"You are an incredible liar."


	6. Chapter Six

"You are an incredible liar."

His words burn the back of my throat and only cause the pain in my head to worsen.

"You lie to him so he doesn't have to worry about you. That's the same thing I do. I lie to the people I like." He grabs my hands and squeezes them as he stares into my eyes.

My headache drums loudly in my head and extends to the point where his talking sounds like a rumbling vibration in my ears and his face begins to blur slightly.

"I don't...like him..." I mumble, as he brings a hand to my forehead to check my temperature.

The instant contact of his cold skin on my warm forehead makes my headache subside quickly for some reason. I opened my eyes wider now, my vision coming back to me. He searched for my eyes and exhaled with a soft chuckle, his hand grabbed my wrist this time:

"What do you like about Baekhyun the most?"

My eyes narrow as I look up at him:

"I told you. I don't like him."

He rolls his eyes and lets go of the gentle grip he had on my wrist. He turns around slumps on the sofa:

"Whatever, just try an get some sleep this time okay?"

I end up crawling back into bed after that and eventually fall asleep to the steady rhythm of the rain drizzling outside.

\------------------

My eyes open.

The sunlight blinds me in white for a few seconds, before my vision is clear again. I feel the cold hit my neck and collarbone and I pull the covers over my body, engulfing myself in warmth.

I stay like that- inert for just a few more minutes. My arms and legs ached from when I was assaulted but my headache, at least, was feeling better. With a deep sigh, I force myself up and push the covers away sitting up with a sudden jolt of pain on my left shoulder. I groan and rub it as I stand up and make my way to the restroom. I flip on the sink and soak my hands in water, my eyes struggle to stay open so I splash some on my face, irritating myself.

I dry my face and walk back over to the bedside table to retrieve my cell phone that had just begun to buzz randomly. It's from my patient, Mr Park. I slide to answer and bring it to my ear:

"Hello?"

"Croissants or artisan cheese bagels?" I hear a deep voice ask.

"Good morning to you too Mr Park. I hope you are not offering me breakfast?" I sigh, rolling my sleeve up and inspecting the growing bruise on my arm.

"Croissants it is." He says playfully before hanging up abruptly.

I set my phone down and inspect my legs for any other bruises, only noticing a few. They were fresh from last night but seemed to have become more visible overnight. I panic as I quickly slip my jeans on and pull my sweater over my torso. I knew I would truly be an unsettling sight if I didn't take these precautions.

I make my way over to the living space of the hotel. It's clean, aside from the blanket that messily hung over the sofa. It takes me a few moments to come into terms with the fact that Park Chanyeol had spent the night in the same hotel room as me. I pick up the blanket and fold it over my arms, my eyes averting now to the large window at the end of the room. 

It was pouring outside. The sky was a gloomy grey and it started to bring back strange thoughts in my head. 

Gosh, I must be a terrible psychiatrist to drive a patient to attack me like that, huh?

I think back to my years in high school. My profound obsession with the mind, and all of its functions and potentials. I remember the inspiring speakers that would come to our school and tell us to follow our dreams. The invigorating desire for success was pumping blood into my veins each and every day.

But now I regret following my dream. Because my dream is not what I want. It's not what I want at all. In fact, I don't really know what I want, and I am starting to think that's becoming a bit of a problem. My excitement is gone. My desire is gone. The happiness that I was promised never existed in the first place. The contentedness I worked so fucking hard to ensure for myself- 

where is it?

The patient that attacked me knew what he wanted though. He wanted me. He wanted my body. Maybe my life. It doesn't matter- at least he knew what he wanted. The more I think about it, the more I regret killing him. I should have just given him what he wanted. I am an empty vessel after all. Something that will never amount to what he was.

I wish he could have somehow killed me. 

"I'm back!" Chanyeol announces hysterically as he barges through the door, causing me to jump and drop the blanket by accident.

I feel my heart race with shock, and I scoff as I pick the blanket back up:

"Don't you know how to knock?"

"I got caught up in the rain and forgot while I was protecting your precious croissants." He glares at me as he hands me the box.

I look down and open it, its lovely aroma pleasing me and lifting my mood significantly:

"Thank you." I sigh wistfully and set it down on the table as I walk to the other room to put the blanket away before I head to the bathroom and bring him back a towel.

"Thanks," He takes it and removes his jacket, quickly unbuttoning his shirt halfway through before stopping abruptly and looking at me "....uh, sorry" he says, buttoning it back up.

I clear my throat and turn away to grab a croissant from the box. I take a seat on the sofa, biting into my croissant as I hear him shuffle behind me while he tries to dry his clothes. He mutters a few curse words under his breath, but aside from that, the morning was peaceful.


	7. Chapter Seven

It has been a week since I was attacked, and luckily it didn't take long for me to successfully get settled back in at my place and resume seeing my patients normally.

I'm desperately trying to keep a positive mindset, and to emit an optimism that can somehow mask my abhorrence is what I strive for now.

I am almost done for the day, and left with only one patient. Park Chanyeol always seems to sneak himself in at the bottom of my lists. I hadn't seen the guy in a little over a week, so I was a bit curious and maybe even looking forward to seeing him. He always seemed to be on time- right down to the minute. I don't know why, but I currently find myself subconsciously counting down the seconds left until his official appointment time.

ten....

nine, eight, seven....

Where could he be?

three, two...

"Hi." He says breathlessly as he closes the door behind him and steps in. I feel the strange heaviness in my chest relieve with a simple exhale of breath. I stand up and gesture for him to sit down. I don't have it in me to attempt a smile, but my voice holds enough kindness:

"Good evening, Mr Park."

He stares at me as he sits down. His eyes are wide, slightly dilated and his chest is moving up and down as he attempts to steady his erratic breathing pattern.

"Did you run here?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

He nods silently.

"You don't have to worry about always being on time. It's alright if you're a few minutes late. I don't mind." I explain, gathering my clipboard and it's contents.

"I know, but it took me _forever_ to find you the perfect necklace. They had these new jewels and I couldn't choose which color suited you most." He whines as he goes through his jacket pocket.

"You bought me a... _necklace?_ " I raise an eyebrow.

_"Yea."_

I wait silently as I watch him pull out a little black box. My face feels cold and I feel myself grow confused as he opens it, revealing the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

He stands up with a smile and walks over behind my chair. I move my hair away from my neck and tilt my head down as he puts it on. When he finishes he goes back to his seat:

"Woah! It does suit you!" He exclaims with excitement.

I bring my hand up to feel the jewel, it is a sharp and pristinely cut diamond shard that is cold against my fingertips.

_"Happy birthday, Y/N."_

"Oh, right..." My confusion subsides as I chuckle in relief, "Thank you. It's lovely."

He squints and tilts his head slightly as his eyes narrow into my own:

"You forgot your own birthday?" He asks inquisitively.

I shake my head and brush off the subject completely:

"Why don't you tell me about your day Mr Park?"

He sits back in his chair and smiles as he crosses one leg over the other. His eyes glitter with mischief:

"It's not my day. It's _your_ day. And I want to take you somewhere."

I open my mouth to object but before I can emit any words from my voice, my hand is tugged and I am yanked up unmercifully. He pulls me outside and I scoff as I shake his grip off:

"Just what do you think you're doing? We're in the middle of your appointment, we can't just leave!" I scold.

"Who cares? I'm your last patient for the night anyway. Come on...I made a reservation!" He holds both of my hands with his cold ones and squeezes them gently as he whines. There is something a little bit off with his tone though....

With a sigh, I push him away to go grab my keys that were sitting on the counter. I throw on my jacket and dash back out the door, locking it behind me before averting my gaze to him:

"Transportation?"

"Right this way..." He offers his arm and I take it with a combination of hesitance and confusion.

I don't know why, but I comply. And I allow him to take me wherever he wishes.

We begin walking along the side of the road. I feel a cold gust of wind try to push its way through me and my shoulders stiffen, faltering my steady steps. It doesn't bother him one bit. He has a strange smile on his face that isn't too wide or too small. I guess you could say his face is pale like the moon. There is a certain eeriness to it all.

The street grows darker and darker the more we walk. I don't know why I am trusting him to protect me from the darkness of the deserted street, or the blackness of the corners and alleys that we stride by almost naturally. He doesn't seem to be affected while I cannot help but to glance around at the strange nothingness before us.

The giant cloud moves away slowly from the waning gibbous of a moon, as it peeks over us and illuminates a glisten to his eyes when he stops me in the middle of the street and towers over me. His large hands find my shoulders. I don't see anyone else on the street and it almost scares me, but gives me an adrenaline I haven't quite felt before.

My patient tilts his head and exhales wistfully as he gazes at the jewel that hangs from the thin silver string around my neck. I want to speak and question where he was taking me and why we stopped but...

I feel like I already know the answer.

He presses his lips to my own without any warning. It is strange and brief. Then, he moves over behind me while I stand, stiff as a statue whether it be from shock or the cold gusts that continuously wave over me. One of his arms snakes slowly around my waist from behind, pulling me into his chest in an unsettlingly romantic way. His hot breath hitting my neck enflames the blood already pumping through my veins in all it's vigor, as he whispers something disturbingly confusing:

_"I love you."_

And the little cloth wet with chloroform is pressed onto my face as my head spins and the darkness around me fades into white.


	8. Chapter Eight

Regret pools into the pit of my stomach the very moment I manage to open my eyes all the way through. I see my reflection through a mirrored ceiling and feel a soft duvet beneath me. My clothes are gone but I'm wearing the baby blue dress that I bought quite a while back yet never had the confidence or occasion to wear. My hair is damp too and I soon begin to come to the sickening conclusion that someone had recently bathed and dressed me.

I sit up quickly as my fingers dig into the soft cushion of the mattress. I realize I'm on a bed, in the room of what seems to be a house. My hands are scratched and my head aches painfully. There is no window to indicate the time of day and my belongings have completely vanished. I don't remember much of last night aside from Park Chanyeol and the scent of chloroform hitting my nose. He must have brought me here. He must have bathed me. Clothed me. And god knows what else.

I stand up and quickly head towards the door. I yank the doorknob and shake it desperately in an attempt to bust it open, but it is to no avail.

"Let me out!" I begin to bang with my fists now.

My voice was demanding and assertive. Being locked in this room was the last thing I needed on my list of stress. There was no way in hell this could be happening. There is no way another one of my patients went insane because of me.

These thoughts seem to push too hard into the cogs of my mind, and I feel pressure against my temples as a headache takes formation. The more I blink, the wetter my eyes get. The more I yell, the more it starts to sound like a whimper. A cry. A choked up sob.

Hours seem to go by, the time of day is unclear, and I find my determination slowly slipping away from me as I grow exhausted of all the yelling and crying that I was never used to. I turn, my back hitting the door as I slide down and curl up into a ball, bringing my knees to my chest as I wrap my arms around them and try to think of a way out. Frustration was not getting me anywhere, so I'm going to try to be more optimistic.

Someone will look for me. Someone will notice I'm gone and send help. Anyone could. One of my patients, maybe even Baekhyun.

I hear the door click, and I quickly move away, running to the bed. It's a heavy wood with a smooth porcelain finish. Pretty little engravings dance along its alpine borders- but it creaks intimidatingly as it is pushed open, and I feel as if I am living the scene of every horror movie imaginable. My heart races, yet I try to be logical. To to prepare myself. To control my sentiment.

Park Chanyeol peeks his head out of the door slightly, before walking in and carefully shutting the door behind him.

His eyes are sad.

The only thing I can do is stand there in utter confusion as means of holding myself back from running up to him and flooding endless questions as to why he would risk every bit of his international charisma and success to  commit something like this.

He is quiet as he approaches me, I do not back away, but instead walk up to him. I suddenly feel glacial, my bare arms frosted with an ecstatic numbness. But when he extends a hand and touches my arm, it sparks the surface of my skin with heat and enflames the entire area, like a giant scab. I feel as if I haven't been touched in a millennia when he touches me.

"Are you hungry?"

His voice is soft, careful almost, as if not to startle me or scare me away, not that I had anywhere to run to. But there is a problem in all of this. I don't know how to respond.

Or rather,

I cannot respond.

Because I see no need to.

This little situation is a repeat of my previous one from last week, if not exactly the same. Park Chanyeol is the reincarnation of my previous patient that I murdered. He is the living embodiment of a second chance.  
Should I take it? That's a rhetorical question.

He pulls me into his arms before my mind can escalate further, in a tight embrace as my face presses against his shoulder:

"I know you want to escape everything. I know you hate your life. I can see it in your eyes. Everyone can see it. You want to throw everything away so easily- when instead you could just give it to me."

My chest tightens more and more at the accuracy of his words. He was right. I hate my life and I hate being alone, but I don't know what I want. He knows what he wants.

 _"You know what you want."_ I say without thinking.

He pulls away slightly and rests his large hands on my shoulders, he looks into my eyes and I find something so foreign in the color of his irises. It is not comforting or sentimental. It is horrifying and invigorating.

"I know _exactly_ what I want." His lips barely move, and I almost feel as if he isn't real because of how still he was. He froze completely in front of me like a statue, entirely entranced in whatever was on my dull face.

"Whatever. I don't care." Is all I can bring myself to say as I feel tears threaten my eyes. They burn the more I blink, and his hands slide down my arms to grip both of my hands. His eyes break away from their locked gaze and he silently watches as the tears finally fall from my eyes. I sniff as I watch him. The room was getting colder, but my body was getting hotter. I feel as if I am melting when I feel droplets of water fall onto my shoulders from my damp hair. Park Chanyeol spectates me like I am something in an art exhibit, and it is an unstintingly intimate stare.

He squeezes my hands and he smiles worriedly at me as I feel a sudden rush of adrenaline go through me even though I am standing still:

"Don't worry...soon you will be able forget everything. I promise. Everything you hate will be all gone. Your job. Your life. Everything. You can just disappear like you have always wanted to. You will be eliminated from the world, and then you can live happily with me. I will take you places! We can go traveling, anywhere you want. France! Italy! Y/N, please don't cry..."

My tears grow dry on my face. I feel goosebumps crawl up my neck and dance along my entire body. My heart races horrifyingly, and my stomach churns as it aches painfully. Sadly, that reality he speaks of is fantasy. It's impossible. _There is no such thing as disappearing from this world without dying._

"I have had so many dreams of you, Y/N. Too many to just ignore." 

He tilts his head slightly and gently adjusts his grip on both of my hands. He glances at me and smiles slightly. I feel lightheaded. He begins to move his feet steadily, tightening his grip now he forces me to move as well, but my steps are messy and I feel as if I am about to collapse. He waltzes, dragging me along with him across the entire cold marbled floor while humming something unfamiliar. When I can't take it anymore I push him away and run out of the room to the nearest bathroom I can see, and begin to vomit nothingness into the toilet.

He walks over with a sigh and begins to rub circles along my back as I gag:

_"It's gonna be okay, baby."_


	9. Chapter Nine

I am carried over to his bedroom. It is warmer as sunshine bleeds indoors from the window, indicating the early hours of the day. I am placed carefully on the soft sheets of his bed. I can't move for some reason- maybe I didn't want to.

The covers are pulled over my body and he tucks me in slowly as I stare off into the distance, his eyes are glued onto me and it takes everything inside of me to resist the urge to look at him and become mesmerized in those two glowing orbs of his. He takes a seat on the chair beside the bed and begins to touch my hair. There is so much uncertainty driven within me at this moment, right now. As his long and slender fingers tend to my confusion and brush themselves through the thin strands of my hair, I feel a warmth I haven't felt in a long time.

But at the same time, my instincts tremble at the foreign and detrimental affection that I am so effortlessly allowing. Simply because it _feels good_.

He stops and I see him tilt his head slightly from the corner of my eye, his fingers trace their way down and he grabs my cheek with his hot fingertips. He slowly turns my face so that my eyes meet his. He smiles tenderly as his cheeks flush a soft pink:

_"Are you feeling a bit better?"_

I feel heaviness at the back of my throat and the urge to escape returns. I turn my head violently to face the opposite side of the room as my eyes burn once more. I can almost feel his smile fade as he gets up quietly and leaves the room. He was becoming irritated with me.

There is a click after he shuts the door behind him, indicating a lock being shifted into place. I wait until his footsteps subside before I quickly pull the covers off of my body to stand up from his bed and rush over to the window. I place my hand on the glass as I stare down at the street beneath me. My heart sinks. If I jumped from here I would die.

But isn't that what I want?

Before my mind can elaborate upon this idea any further, the door is opened again quickly. He stands by the doorframe, his hand still on the knob as he stares at me with fervent eyes. I am lost and confused in the heat of this moment, so I try desperately to open the window. My actions cloud my thoughts as I do not realize fast enough that there is a little lock. When it is finally forced open by my shuddering hands and aching fingers, cold air rushes into the entire room. I hear his footsteps enter the room and slowly approach me from behind, his hot breath on my neck:

"You want to jump?"

His question is said in the shakiest voice I have ever heard from him. His conflict of optimism is raging into an obsession now. He is obsessed with making me happy. But what can I do about that? Ask him about his day?

"I...."

 _"You want to jump?"_ He repeats with more emphasis on each of the syllables within that damn phrase. I feel a panic attack coming and I freeze where I am standing. My hands begin to tremble and I watch them shake out of my control. 

Just before I can begin to blank out again, he grabs my shoulders and turns my body so that I am facing him. He lifts a hand and brings it to touch my hair, carefully:

"Did you already forget that your death is _meaningless_? Especially when you can just let me make you happy..."

 _"You can't make me happy."_ I say coldly, feeling my jaw tighten as I glare at him.  

His lips curl upwards slightly and he chuckles softly as he shakes his head, as if to somehow reassure himself that it was all just a joke. He then entwines his fingers with my own and drags me out of the room and down the corridor until we reach a hall with a double door. He pushes it open easily with his elbow and I am greeted with an earthly scent of pine and lavender.

There is a living space with a kitchen nearby. He dips his torso down and scoops me into his arms, lifting my feet off of the cold white tiles. He places me on a grey sofa, before dashing into the kitchen. I hear boiling sounds and turn my head to see him taste something from a large spoon before adding in more ingredients. He was cooking something.

I turn my head back to the front and notice that I was in the living room of this giant house. The walls were mostly giant windows and hundreds of tall trees surrounded the building. We were probably in the middle of some private forest, and it only worked to sink my heart even more. 

I hear him walk over to me from behind, and watch as he comes over and sits beside me, a small bowl of soup in his hands. He stares at me silently, before bringing a spoon of the warm soup up close to my lips:

"I know you must be hungry, but lets start with something that will make you less nauseous."

I stubbornly keep my lips closed. He notices and sighs, placing the spoon back in the bowl. His head tilts down and I can't see his eyes anymore. He just stays like that for a few minutes in complete silence. It starts to scare me until he finally starts to speak again, his broad shoulders shuddering:

"Please, Y/N..." Is all he says. His voice is weak, as if he could give in to a mental breakdown at any moment. I feel something inside pinch my heart and my instincts tell me to get as far away from him as possible. But I do not. I cannot.

"Chanyeol..." I start hesitantly.

He doesn't answer.

"I know you are just trying to make me happy, but..."

He lifts his head and stares at me blankly, his eyes red as tears threaten to fall out. I feel my head spin as I watch each pigment of calamity flush its way into his irises. My face feels hot and something inside me burns horrifically with regret:

"I guess you'll just have to try a bit harder!" I say randomly, as I watch his lips form a smile and the redness from his eyes fade.

He brings the spoon back to my lips and I open my mouth this time. Cheerfully. 

The soup is warm, not too hot and not too cold. It soothes the back of my dry throat and has a subtle taste that brings me comfort. I decide to ignore my situation, more or less for the sake of my own sanity, and focus on the care he is giving me as I continue to let him feed me the soup. I didn't want to make him too angry, simply because I did not know _what_ he was capable of doing to me.

When I am finished, he places a blanket over my shoulders and tells me to wait for him while he finishes washing the dishes. He walks away into the kitchen and I notice a little remote at the edge of the sofa. I extend a hand to grab it and simply turn on the TV with a push of the red button. 

It is at an alarmingly high volume and on some news station that I used to watch a while back. I try to volume it down a bit, but before I can even process what is going on, I see a slightly outdated picture of myself flash onto the screen and the word "MISSING" in big, bold letters on top of it. 

From behind me, I hear a plate shatter on the floor before Chanyeol comes running into the room. He rushes towards the TV and rips its cables out brutally while still wearing his long yellow dishwasher gloves. He stands in front of the TV, panting as he stares at me with frustration, but attempts to mask it with fake laughter:

"There's never anything good on the news."

 


	10. Chapter Ten

It has been a few months now, if I am correct. Maybe longer.

Park Chanyeol was insistent on taking care of me and helping me disappear from the world. And he was doing a damn well job at it too. So far, _I haven't even heard a single police siren._

He would even leave the house too on some occasions. Sometimes for days, other times for weeks. To go practice the choreography for his new album or do something for the company; like interviews, contests and gameshows. He found a way to block out other channels on the TV, but he would permit specific ones that he was on, so that I could watch him while he was away. He never wants me to feel alone, but I always find myself feeling something far worse than that when he's away for long periods of time.

Right now, he was on his way home from performing at an awards show. His performance days could quite possibly be classified as the worst for me. I hated when he went to those. It always took at least a few weeks before he was back, and I would suffer through it all with nothing to do but watch him on TV. The camera would zoom accordingly throughout the performances, and whenever it zoomed out and showed the fans, I would always feel a pinch in my heart.

I don't know why, but it was always painful to watch his performances. There were literally millions out there who loved and adored him. Millions. And it twisted my stomach that they didn't know about his sick twisted secret. The stupid girl he kidnapped and is keeping locked away in one of his houses. The stupid girl he somehow convinced into disappearing from the world so easily.

Ever since that one day when I saw my photo on the news station, I wondered if there were still people looking for me. If there was still hope for me to get out of the madness he had so expertly constructed. I am beginning to become accustomed to this life more and more. I scream less. I have lost the desire to attempt an escape- or even think about it. I could easily break a window and run, but I don't feel up to it for some reason.

He has created a haven for me. I have no stress. I have no taxes or student loan to pay, no clients to attend to, no social life to satisfy those around me.

When I am with him, he cares for me.   
He loves me.

Tonight, he comes home pale.

He walks in through the door, carefully shutting it behind him. His eyes meet mine, and I feel sick at the bubbly feeling in my the pit of my stomach like dead little moths boiling away. His white teeth crack a smile and he walks over to me, extending his long arms out. I am alarmed, but cannot do anything about it. I let him embrace me. I bury my face into his shoulder and cry while he rubs my back carefully:

_"Shh...I know, baby. I missed you too."_

He stiffens his broad shoulders a little and I can tell that he's exhausted, so I pull away slightly to meet his eyes. His pale face twists when I look at it and I feel dizzy from his intoxicating and familiar scent. I quickly wipe away the wetness from my eyes with the sleeves of the shirt I am wearing, and he watches me carefully, as a playful smile rests on his lips:

"Is that my shirt? Now that I think about it, you've been wearing my clothes all this time..."

"Sorry." I mumble.

"We should get you some new clothes! Y/N, you know that I am not _just a rapper_ \- but a fashion icon as well." He says matter-of-factly, his eyes glittering with playfulness.

I feel my heart skip a beat. Was he seriously going to risk getting caught by taking me on a shopping trip?

"I can't...go outside." I say quietly, looking away from him.

"I meant we could order stuff online, silly. I have to measure you first though. Ahh...there's so much to do today" he says excitedly, "Let me shower first, and then we can browse some stuff."

I don't know what to say so I just avert my eyes back to him and nod quickly, flashing a smile that I'm not sure was completely genuine.

He leans in and presses his lips to my cheek for a brief kiss before running up a set of stairs:

"I'll be finished soon!"

I watch him as he trips over a step on his way up and almost falls over, and this accidentally makes me laugh. I quickly bring a hand over my mouth and turn away, pretending to cough. But he notices and starts laughing too while he carefully makes his way upstairs.

I can't feel it, the warm fluttering that enflames my heart when I am with him. This relationship is detrimental to the state of my mind. This is the kind of relationship that every orthodox psychologist in the world knows to avoid, prevent, _annihilate_. A rapid fire that will only continue to spread. _Extinguish the flame before the degrees pick up pace and severity._

But I like the warmth that ensues. Maybe I will let it continue until I realize I am burned. It would be too late then, but does that matter? Does anything matter?

In the midst of these thoughts, I here a vibration in the distance. I follow the source of sound and find it to be coming from Chanyeol's coat. I reach in hesitantly and pull out a phone to my horrifying surprise. My eyes widen and I accidentally drop it on the floor. I almost feel like crying as I go back to pick it up and pray that the screen has not cracked. I almost become religious when I notice that there is not even a scratch on it. However, it's still vibrating, indicating a call. I squint to read who is calling and almost drop the phone again when I see who it is:

Baekhyun.

I glance around bite my lip, completely dumbfounded as to what to do next. But instinctively, I find my finger move on it's own and slide to answer. I pause for a moment, shocked at my own behavior, before bringing it to my ear slowly:

"Hello? Chanyeol, I think you left your gloves in the manager's car. I can bring it to you next week, I have to visit my grandma first..."

It feels like a dream. My eyes burn, on the verge of releasing tears as he continues to talk and my face feels stone cold with the horrifying nostalgia emitted from his soft voice. I begin weakly, not exactly aware of what I wanted to say:

"Baekhyun."

He stops talking and pauses for a moment before speaking again, his tone confused now:

_"Y/N?"_

He heard me.

I feel hot tears roll down my cheeks at the sound of my name from him, and quickly hang up before I know it's too late. I hear Chanyeol come down the stairs and I quickly wipe my tears as I dump his phone back into the pocket of his coat. I run to the sofa and pretend that I have just been lounging around this entire time.

He walks into the room with a measuring tape and his laptop under his arm. He sets his laptop down on the table and extends the measuring tape:

"Lets get you measured first so we can make sure we get the right size clothing."

I stand up from the sofa and walk over to him. He tells me to lift my arms and I comply, watching him carefully as he comes over behind me and wraps the tape around my waist. I feel his breath on the back of my neck as he whispers numbers to himself and clicks his tongue when he messes up. My heart races.

He finishes measuring my waist and then moves away to take note of it on a sticky note. When he's done, he comes back and stands in front of me, his cheeks flushed:

"I have to do your bust now."

"This is sexual harassment." I mumble.

He sighs, apologizing. I roll my eyes and lift my arms up again. This time, he wraps the tape around my back first and my chest. He does not take as much time with this one and quickly jots down the numbers with a flustered expression that I couldn't help but to admire. However, in the back of my mind I knew Baekhyun was coming for me soon.

And it _terrified_ me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think so far ❤


	11. Chapter Eleven

"What do you think of this one? I think green would be a cute color on you." He says, pointing to another expensive sweater on his computer screen.

"I don't know, the cart is already so full, I don't think I need this many things- honestly..." I frown at him,earning a laugh.

"Ohh! Let's look at the hats and gloves, Y/N- we haven't seen those yet. _And it's getting colder so we want to protect your hands too, baby._ " He says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder so that my head falls on his shoulder. I find comfort being in this position with him so I don't complain.

It almost feels as if we're a couple that's been together for years, as we lounge around on his sofa, my head rested on his shoulder and my tired eyes blinking at the computer screen as he scrolls through catalogs. But it wasn't like that at all. He kidnapped me. It was morally wrong but somehow I didn't mind it in this very moment.

When he is done placing the dozens of orders, he shuts his laptop and puts it on the table, before leaning back and wrapping his arm around me again, pulling me even closer this time so that my head was rested on his chest. He exhaled gently:

_"What's bothering you, Y/N?"_

I feel more awake at his sudden question and sit up slightly:

"Nothing."

He turns his head and looks into my eyes with his dark narrowed ones. He is agitated and tired and probably doesn't have the energy to argue with me about something pointless. He had just returned from a competition, so of course he was exhausted. However, I am surprised when I notice his head tilt slightly to the side. He leans in slowly, and a million things pop into my mind, followed by a million heartbeats in less than a second.

His eyes flutter shut before his lips press against my own, emitting a warmth that I hadn't realized I was longing for all this time. But it is over before it even began, when he pulls away gently without breaking the intimately close proximity:

_"Are you afraid of me?"_

I don't know what the point of the question was, because before I can even make an attempt to reply, he closes the gap between our lips once more. Except this time, it is held out for a longer duration of passion, and sends little sparks of electricity all throughout my entire body.

His hands somehow find my waist and he snakes both of them under the shirt I am wearing, all the while maintaining his lips locked tightly onto my own in the deep kiss. He is merciless when I run out of breath. I begin to feel dizzy, whether it be due to a lack of oxygen or an overdose of his lethal affection. My heart races and I almost begin to feel content with myself for once, before there is a loud ringing that seems to be from the doorbell.

He freezes, his lips still on my own. His body stiffens as his eyes pop open, anger and shock glazes over his irises. I've never seen him this alarmed before, and as strange as it sounds, it alarms me.

He pulls away and reaches for the remote, quickly turning on the television to a channel that seems to be a surveillance of the front door outside. It is blurry at first but he manages to focus the camera into clarity and to my horror, I realize that the figure ringing the doorbell is Byun Baekhyun.

My heart sinks and I look at Chanyeol with the urge to burst into tears. His eyes meet mine and all of the anger and emergency in his expression softens briefly, before he stands up and towers over me for a few moments. One of his large hands wraps around my arm and he pulls me up forcefully from the sofa, dragging me out of the room with him as he runs upstairs. I stumble on the steps a few times but still manage to make it, the ringing of the doorbell ringing in my ears drives me insane and gives me a headache. When we reach the top of the stairs, he quickly pulls me into his room and grabs my shoulders with both of his hands, staring directly into my eyes:

"Stay in here. Do not make a sound. Everything we have worked so hard for- _everything_ you have escaped this entire time will all come flooding back. All the pain and regret will come back  ** _if he finds out_.** "

His breathing is rapid and unsteady, and I can almost see little flames flickering in his eyes. The ringing of the doorbell continues and all I can do for him is nod my head slowly in compliance while he dreads about the situation.

Soon, he runs out of the room, locking it behind him. I sit on the floor next to the door to listen in on the faint conversation. I can only make out a few words of little significance, but I feel a stab to my chest when Baekhyun first speaks. His voice is soft, gentle and bleeding nostalgia. My head tilts back slightly against the door.

_I close my eyes to envision his eyes._

In high school, I remember being engrossed with his eyes because they were bright and full of a happiness that was genuine. Every day I would look forward to simply seeing him. The classroom lighting was funny, and his eyes would glisten and glitter strangely because of it. Although my classmates teased him for it, I would get caught gazing at him- sometimes for too long when we spoke, and it may have made me look like a weirdo but I didn't care. I was in love with him. _Maybe I still am._

I jump out of my thoughts when I hear my name, faintly from the incoherent conversation downstairs. I shift and bring the side of head closer to the door until my ear brushes  the smooth wood:

"What do you mean you _heard_ her?" Chanyeol's tone is uncharacteristically cold and it scares me when I hear him speak to Baekhyun downstairs.

"When I called you and said how I was coming over, I heard Y/N's voice..." Baekhyun explains,  
"I could have sworn she said my name."

There is a pause of unsettling silence, and I can practically feel Chanyeol connecting the dots in his head.

" _Your just imagining things dude._ I know you two were close."Chanyeol says in a soft, barely audible tone as my heart races.

"It was more than that. If it wasn't for my job _\- I would have spent more time with her._ " Baekhyun starts to sound angry, and maybe even anxious. 

_"I know-"_

"Why did she have to leave, Chanyeol? It just doesn't make any _fucking_ sense! Did she maybe tell you anything suspicious _\- at your last appointment?"_

My cheeks feel cold and numb, as hot tears prick at the corners of my eyes while he continues to speculate possibilities out loud. In this very moment, I want to kick the door down and run to him. I want him to know that I'm alive. I want him to smile when he sees me and tease me about the crush he already knows I have on him.

"You need to let go, Baekhyun. It's almost been a year. She's gone and I don't think she will ever come back." Chanyeol says emptily. 

Although I may feel a bit hopeless, I realize I need to grasp my situation. I am in complete control of my life, even from this locked room. I understand that Chanyeol is only trying to help me disappear from the world _without dying_ , and in order for that to succeed nobody else can see me. Not even Baekhyun.

_"I don't care. I'm going to find her."_

Even if I think of him every day.


	12. Chapter Twelve

When Baekhyun leaves, the entire house is quiet. I walk towards Chanyeol's bed and lie down, burying my face into his pillow. The silence that ensues next is unsettling.

I suppose it is empty enough now for me to go back to despising myself, as if to fill some sort of sick void. I have a tendency- a desire to pick myself apart little by little. To yank the stem off of the roots that have buried themselves deep into the dirt of detriment and disaster. Why? I do not know.

But tonight, I don't feel that way.

I feel free. For once in my life, I do not abhor myself. I do not criticize my decisions- because tonight I can actually see why I made them. I can see why I have escaped the world in the first place. 

I want this to work out, whatever he is planning. The reality that the obsessive and compulsive Park Chanyeol so delightfully describes that he has in store for me seems too good to be true. _To die, without experiencing death itself._

The door clicks and is pushed open with a slow and unnerving crack. The floorboards begin to creak very quietly. He steps in and shuts the door behind him. I sit up slowly and rub my forehead as he approaches me:

"Y/N." I hear Chanyeol's intimidatingly hollow tone, and this makes me freeze where I am. I haven't heard this tone since our first appointment. And then something hits me in realization.

His appointments. 

My face pales while I stare at him, dumbfounded until he speaks again:

"Did you pick up my phone when Baekhyun called?" He asks rhetorically.

I needed to resume his appointments. He is emotionally unstable. If I am not satisfactory enough for him one day, who knows what he could commit to relieve himself. The appointments were a pivotal method of stress relief for him. Why is he hiding this fact now? Is he afraid he will bother me? Does he trick himself into thinking he is okay- _now that he has me?_

"I'm sorry." My response comes out more insincere than I had intended.

He doesn't look mad. He doesn't look angry, or disappointed either, and that is what thoroughly baffles me. Instead of lecturing me, he holds my gaze again. As if he enjoys my getting lost at what is in front of me, and flooding into the blackness of my mind. This is what he does when he's thinking, and I am beginning to doubt he is even aware of what he is capable of.

"Don't ever do that again." Is all he says before he callously breaks the gaze and exits the room without another word.

The door is shut behind him, and his footsteps fade into the corridor. I need to learn more about Park Chanyeol before I can trust him. I need him to relieve his stress and anxiety before he takes it out on me, or someone else. I can tell just from his voice...

He isn't okay. 

I stand up on my feet quickly and run out the door, just before he can make it to the stairs. He stops and tilts his head slightly to the side to look at me with tired eyes:

"What's the matter?"

I feel slightly dizzy as I walk closer towards him. I have an iron deficiency I never mentioned to him. My arms were numb from the tightening goosebumps, and my feet were freezing while their surface walked across the glacially cold polished wooden floor paneling. I tried to maintain my composure in confronting him. I hadn't stood in front of him confidently like this in a while. I found I could never do it during all this time living with him. There could be a reason behind it. Perhaps I don't want to admit it. Even to myself.

"Chanyeol." I smile effortlessly at the sound of his name on my lips, pretending that the tensions of the last few minutes we were together never occurred.

He stays still, staring at my face blankly until I can get to the point.

"We should resume your appointments." I start, swallowing dryly, "I mean...I want to make sure you are not stressed or anything.." 

His expression hardens and his eyes widen. An unsettling smile plays his lips:

"Are you afraid of me?"

This question is asked again. Over and over and it gets more and more confusing each time. My confidence is crushed. The moment suddenly becomes terrifying. I want to pick up my feet and run away, back into the room to pull the covers over myself and pretend that this never happened. But why?

_Am I afraid?_

"Do you think I am unhappy? Do I look unhappy right now... **Y/N**?" He says my name mockingly as he steps closer, his light laughter rumbling deeply in chest and vibrating the walls of this hollow corridor.

My feet are planted into the ground, and for some reason I cannot move. I can only shake my head quickly at his answer and look away. I feel like I am shrinking.

"Look at me." He demands, grabbing my chin so that I stare at him dead in the eyes. His face pales but his expression softens incredibly quickly. 

My stomach turns at the sight of this ghastly change, and I feel faint.

"If you are here, I am happy. I am mentally stable, and healthy, and...normal. So, you don't need to worry about anything." He explains, the hues of his eyes flickering under the dim light that was attached to the ceiling. 

He takes my left hand and grips it gently.

"That is why you're here. To not worry about anything." He continues, his smile growing. I feel pressure under his gaze that is suddenly so loving and tender in contrast to before, but I still do not look away. He releases my hand, only to capture my warm cheek, cupping it in the palm of his cold hand as he smooths his thumb over my face. I give into the strange urge to close my eyes and relax under his foreign touch. 

"You are not allowed to worry about me."

"Why..." I ask quietly.

He sighs and suddenly pulls me into his chest. He wraps his arms around me carefully hold me in a loose embrace:

"Because you are dead. You don't have emotions. You don't have to worry." Chanyeol says softly, his voice shaking slightly as he tightens his hold on me. 

He then tilts his head down slightly so that his lips were almost touching my ear. I feel my spine tingle and my body get goosebumps at his deep voice and his cold breath that hits my ear the moment he whispers:

_"You don't have to love."_

I am not sure of many things in this house. The air is strange. I cannot distinguish day from night. And there is something about Park Chanyeol's obsession with me that I find strangely soothing. 

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there. Sorry for the delay on this, some stuff came up. However, I am happy to announce that I will be resuming updates for this story regularly from now on. That means an update at least every week, if not sooner. Enjoy.

It has been a few weeks since I expressed to Chanyeol how important I felt it was to start his appointments again.   
And he has just done nothing but ignore it.

Because here nothing is supposed to matter. Nothing is supposed to have meaning.   
This house in the middle of nowhere, enclosed by deciduous trees, is my new world. My new universe.

It is a cold morning as I blink and sit up drowsily from the bed. The sun's rays hit my eyes and I squint distastefully.   
I could hear something in the distance...

There is a ruckus downstairs today.

I rub my eyes and hop off of the bed. The floorboards creak, cold against the surface of my bare feet as I walk towards the door.

My hot palm touches the metal doorknob, as I try to twist it open before realizing that it is probably locked. My palace of captivity rarely had any visitors, but when it did I would be able to tell from whether or not my room was locked. There was probably a visitor today. Chanyeol would lock me in here when we had visitors.

I press my ear against the door to listen closer:

"Stop!" I hear Chanyeol scream, as something shatters downstairs, following the breaking of multiple other objects.

My heart rate picks up in pace as I panic and jolt away from the door, falling on my butt. The sounds suddenly stop as I grow worried for him. What if someone had hurt him?

I can't think rationally, only impulsively as I bang on the door with my hands balled up into fists. I scream for him like he is all I have left in this world.  
In this cold house.

"Chanyeol!" I cry out loud, realizing too late that what I was doing was most likely a mistake.

The noise suddenly subsides, and there is an unsettling quietness that fills the void inside of me. I hear footsteps creak on the staircase, indicative of someone walking upstairs. I don't know who it is but I can only back away into the corner of the room and pray that it is Chanyeol.

Only Chanyeol had the key to this room, and I know it's not him by the door the moment I see the twisting and turning of the stuck doorknob.

I begin to cry quietly, as the silent intruder begins to bang their body against the door in an attempt to knock it down.

When it is to no avail, their footsteps fade downstairs. Whoever it is will probably assume the key is on Chanyeol. My body wants to have a panic attack in this very moment, but I can't. I know I can't. I have to think my way out of this one. I have to think of a way to protect myself. To hit and run for the hills the moment he opens that door.

I choke up my sobs as I weakly stumble around the room desperate for something to protect myself with. I'm scared.   
I haven't had contact with anyone but Chanyeol since...I can't remember when.

The lamp on the bedside table is tempting, so I grab it, yanking it's cord out of the outlet. I back into that same corner of the room and wait with horrifying anticipation, as I hold the lamp close to my chest.

The footsteps are back. Except slower this time.

I hear a faint fumbling before the doorknob is turned.

There's a click.

And door opens slowly, creaking to my terror. I press my back into the wall, and watch as the person steps inside. I get ready to throw the weapon at them and make a run for it, but I freeze when I see who it is.

His porcelain eyes scan the room with exhaustion, his figure light like a feather that has been withering in the dirt for centuries. He drags his feet as he walks in, panting and sparkling sweat.

The lamp slips from my hands and shatters on the cold ground beneath my bare feet.

Baekhyun stares at me with his glossy eyes, like I am a revelation; personified.

_"Y/N..."_  

His eyes widened as he turned his body to face mine.

When I see his face, _everything_ I have ever wanted with Chanyeol disappears. My numb mind picks up consciousness, as I come into contact with that reality that I have been slipping away from this whole time.

_"Baekhyun..?"_ Is all I can manage to whimper, as my vision blurs from the tears that dare to fall any second now. He smiles as he walks over to me quickly, holding my arms to look at my face. A tear rolls down his cheek, before he pulls me into his chest for a tight embrace:

_"I knew you weren't.......I-I knew..."_ He sniffs as I tremble in his arms. I am frozen where I stand, unable to comprehend the physical contact of anyone other than Chanyeol.

Baekhyun's hold on me brings back the memories of who I was. My youth. Wanting nothing more than success and love. Affection and embrace. Like this. He is the being that drags me out of this sensually tempting and unrealistic fantasy that Chanyeol has so carefully constructed in my mind...

_"H-Help me..."_ I whisper into his ear.

Baekhyun's shoulders stiffen, and he pulls away gently. His bottom lip trembles slightly as his glass eyes meet mine. He brings his hand to tuck a stray strand of my hair carefully behind my ear:

"It's okay, now...I'm going to get you out of here..." He said, taking my hand into his, "We have to leave, _before he wakes up_."

I nod and wipe the tears from my face quickly, composing myself. Baekhyun tightened his grip on my hand and we both ran down the stairs and out of the house.

I could see Chanyeol's body lying on the ground, out cold on our way outside. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

But soon enough, I was in Baekhyun's car with him. He wasted no time, helping me inside the seat before quickly getting inside himself. His breathing was erratic as he started the vehicle, and his forehead was glossed with sweat. I didn't even have a second to comprehend the fact that I was outside for the first time in months. He pulled the car out of the driveway and began speeding into the road.

I didn't really know how far away I was from civilization. I didn't really know much about Baekhyun either, I guess...but just leaving Chanyeol behind like that was never something I'd imagine would ever happen.

And for some reason, I feel guilty. 

Baekhyun swallows dryly as his breathing begins to steady. He extends his hand to take my own. I feel his gentle grip and look at him.

Although his eyes are fixed on the road in front of him while he drives, I see redness and irritation in them. Anger. He bites his lip, his visage appearing to be one of frustration and hurt:

" _Fuck_ , Y/N..." He sniffs, holding my hand tightly, "I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner..."

I don't know what to say, so I just keep quiet.

"I knew there was something _wrong_ with him, I just..." Baekhyun takes his hand off the wheel briefly to wipe the wetness from his eyes, "I didn't know he was _that fucked up_..."

I continue to stay silent and listen.

"If I had known, I would have never let you go near him..." Baekhyun turns his head to look at me, _"A-Are you okay?"_ He asks hesitantly.

His eyes are glossed over with that same glistening sparkle. I feel the cold air of the outdoors finally bite my skin, after being cooped up in that house for so long.

And Baekhyun's voice reminded me of high school. My easy life. My youthful strife.

I smile faintly at him, and nod:

_"I'm okay."_


	14. Chapter Fourteen

After about an hour of just driving on the road, Baekhyun pulls over into a rest area to fuel up on some gas. He parks the car and unbuckles his seat belt, before turning his head to look at me:

"Do you need to use the bathroom? It might be a while before we actually get to where we need to be."

I nod, deciding not to risk it.

"I'll come with you." He says, stepping out of the car and walking over to open the door for me. I step out, feeling the light hit my eyes for the first time in a while. I squint uncomfortably. It wasn't even that bright outside, the sun was blocked by the clouds, but the light was what bothered me.

_The light._

Baekhyun places his hand gently on the small of my back and helps me into the convenience store. There are a few people inside, but it's still enough to make me feel uneasy. The pit of my stomach twists and turns. 

 _"Excuse me, do you have a bathroom around here?"_ He asks the convenience store clerk, who points towards the back of the room.

She was a very old lady, who was eyeing me like I was from another planet. 

 _"Thank you!"_ Baekhyun says, as he takes my hand gently and leads me over to the women's bathroom.

Once we reach the door, he let's go of my hand and smiles at me:

"I'll be waiting out here for you when you finish, okay?"

I smile faintly at him, before walking inside and picking the cleanest stall I can find. I do my business and wash my hands. I take a dry towel to wipe my hands, but freeze when I see my reflection in the mirror of the bathroom. 

I didn't appear as I thought I would. My face was drained of all color. My lips cracked and these dark bags skirted just under my eyes. My body was frail and weird. I throw the dry towel away and attempt to get away from my reflection as fast as possible.

Baekhyun was standing there like he said he would be, awkwardly waiting. His eyes light up adorably when he sees me step out. He walks over to me:

"Done?"

I nod, and he nods after me playfully, before entwining his fingers with my own again. He grips my hand gently and takes me around to the snacks aisle of the store. He grabs a box of peppero and chips, before walking over to the cashier.

He pulls out his wallet and is about to give the clerk his card, when he suddenly looks at me as if remembering something:

"Do you need anything?"

I shake my head.

Baekhyun squints at me skeptically, before glancing around the things that were lied out in front of the register. He finds a little box of kokobop candies and grins, before placing them on the counter to purchase as well.

After getting everything, we go back to the car to put some gas in it. I sit inside the car while he gets the gas, noticing the droplets of rain beginning to fall all of a sudden. He finishes quickly and gets inside before his clothes get soaked:

" _Shit..._ " He exclaims with a little laugh as he gets inside the car.

I look out the window as the view begins to blur from the million droplets of rain that begin to pick up in pace. He turns on the windshield wipers, before slowly beginning to pull out of the gas station, and back into the main road.

He drives for about thirty minutes, in hopes that the rain would slow down, but it only seemed to get faster...

"I can _barely_ see the road..." He sighs to himself, as he tries to drive through all the rain and wind.

I clear my throat before speaking:

"Maybe we should stop for a little until it clears up."

He keeps his eyes focused on the road as he replies softly:

" _It's supposed to be like this all night, baby..._ "

"Oh, well...is there anything nearby?" I ask, my voice kind of wavering, "Like a hotel or something we can spend the night?"

"Ah, let me check..." He says, pulling over to the side of the road to check his phone.

He slides his phone out of his pocket and opens up the GPS app to search for anywhere we can spend the night nearby.

"There nearest hotel is two hours away." Baekhyun says, after a few moments of scrolling.

I bite my lip and look at him. He turns off his phone before tilting his head to look at me. His eyes meet mine, and he relaxes his head back against the seat. His eyes gaze into  mine lazily, deep in his own contemplation. The way he stares holds me in one place with violent magnetism.

His lips finally part slightly, to speak:

"What should we do?"

I bite my lip as I try to think of something, but nothing seems to come to mind. Another few moments of silence follow, accompanies by the gentle sounds of rain outside. It takes him a little while to finally break the silence and speak with a defeated sigh:

"I guess our only option is to spend the night in the car. At least until the rain passes..."

I nod at him slowly:

"That's fine with me."

After my affirmation, he starts the car up again and pulls back into the highway:

"Alright. I'll look for somewhere we can park for the night..."

I turn my head to look out the window again, the droplets of rain obscuring the darkening sky. But there is a beauty to it. Something soothing about the blanket that covers the light in the sky. Something surreal in the neon lights illuminated from the cars that zoom by. 

I am transfixed by the droplets as they fall and stick to the window's glass. My curiosity spins in my head. Everything felt so new. I had missed the world outside of that house. I had forgotten about the wonders. The sights.

But I never forgot the horrors. 

"Hey...Y/N?"

"Hm?" I snap out of my trance-like state and turn my head to look at Baekhyun, who's eyes are still fixed carefully on the road in front of him.

"A-Are you..." He pauses, contemplating his words for only a few seconds, **"okay?"**

It was a weird question. Something similar to the one Chanyeol would ask me: "Are you afraid of me?" Except Baekhyun was asking something different: "Are you okay?"

Am I afraid of him? Or am I okay? Do I want to go back? Was it traumatizing, or did I actually enjoy captivity?

_Did I love Baekhyun? Do I love Chanyeol?_

I don't know how to respond. So I just speak what is on my mind right now, in the present time, on this rainy nostalgic evening:

"I want to live normally again."

It doesn't matter if it's the truth or not. It doesn't matter if it doesn't answer his question. Nothing matters. Chanyeol pressed his lips against mine one cold night and told me, with my bare feet against the cold tiles of the floor, **nothing matters, Y/N. _Nothing._**

"Did he hurt you?" Baekhyun asked hesitantly, wanting to avoid pressuring me. But he wasn't. He was doing something else. Something I am not sure qualifies as better or worse.

I look down at my feet. The bare feet of the girl that has walked so many different roads that she thought led to eventual bliss and satisfaction.

And so far, she has only been gifted with scratches and scabs, _lacerations and lousy hallucinations._

" _No._ " I reply to Baekhyun quietly, "He didn't do anything but love me and care for me."

I would expect Baekhyun to be taken aback by this fact. I would expect him to act surprised, and ask why. But he isn't. He doesn't. Because he's known Chanyeol for so long.

Something about Chanyeol being the one who put me in unsettling captivity _eases_ his mind- if only a little. And I can see it in his eyes. His eyes that avoid mine and stare through the droplets of rain, out onto the road that spans many lanes, long and redundant: like a horizon.

Baekhyun does not really say anything else after that. He simply drives, no noise coming from him besides his soft breathing. For about an hour, it is quiet like this, with only the pattering of the rain on the vehicle's surface.

The rain gets faster. It becomes increasingly difficult to see the road with each passing minute. 

Finally, he takes a road into an exit and pulls into a little lot that is near a few shops. He parks the car there and exhales softly, before finally turning his head to look at me:

" _Aish_...It's gonna get chilly, and you barely have any shoes on- let alone socks..." He says with gentle concern.

"Ah..." I look at my bare feet, unable to really do anything to relieve the situation.

He turns the windshield wipers on to glance around at what kind of shops are nearby. He spots one and turns the windshield wipers off again:

"I'm gonna go buy some stuff real quick for tonight from that store over there. Socks, blankets...Stay in the car, okay?"

"But you're gonna get soaked..." I object.

"I have an umbrella in the hood of the car. I'll be okay." He says, as he unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door, " _I'm gonna lock the doors okay?_ "

I want to object, but I decide not to be difficult when all he's trying to do is help. He smiles and leaves, running to the back of the car to get the umbrella. I hear a loud click as he locks all the doors of the vehicle.

I watch his silhouette fade, as he runs towards the store as fast as he can. But before he is completely out of my sight, I catch his umbrella suddenly blown away by the wind, flying away. He makes an expression of utter disbelief as he freezes there with shock and frustration. I feel myself smile at his silliness with ease.

In a way I missed him. I missed him like I missed the ease of my days in high school, being in love with him and admiring his smile and his eyes...

But there is a flame flickering in the back of my head. A phantom flame. A warmth that encompasses me with heat in my cheeks and a slow burn into my chest.

_I see myself go blind with Light,_

_I see myself burn with Fire._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does this chapter...  
> make you feel?


	15. Chapter Fifteen

After a few minutes, Baekhyun returns to the car, with two bags full of stuff from the 24hour convenience store. He seemed to have bought a raincoat for his way back here, so as to not get soaked in the rain. He opens the back door and puts the bags in first, before stripping off the raincoat and throwing it outside as he got into the backseat.

"I'm back," he panted, taking the bags and setting them on his lap as he opened them "I bought blankets, water, a pillow..." He set everything on the backseat before pulling out the final item with a grin:

"And _aloe socks_!"

"Woah..." I looked at him with amazement, "those are expensive."

He pushed the seats back in the backseat and laid them all out flat. The backseat became a sort of flat surface, and he laid out a blanket over top of it. He then put the pillows in place and the random plush as well. All in all, it took him about five minutes to create the impressive setup.

" _There._ " He exclaimed with slight triumph in his tone, as he examined his comfy creation.

He then turned his head to look at me, who was watching him from the shotgun seat. His lips curled into a gentle smile, as he gestured me over:

"C'mon."

I didn't really have any second thoughts as I crawled from the front to the back with him. It was pretty comfortable, and I applauded his setup:

"It's really comfy..." I smiled, as I picked up the little plush doll and held it in my arms with a sheepish smile.

" _Right?_ " He boasted, before pulling out the aloe socks, "Gimme your feet." He patted his lap playfully.

I gave him a look of surprise, "What?"

"Feet." He repeated, holding the socks in his hands as he patted his lap again.

"I can put them on myself..." I muttered, as I extended my legs out and placed my feet on his lap.

Baekhyun chuckles deeply, his chest rumbling:

" _You can put on a lot of things..._ "

I stay silent, my eyes looking at him with curiosity.

" _Like that mask that you're wearing now. The one that makes it look like you're happy._ " Baekhyun continues, as he slips the first sock onto my left foot gently.

My face feels cold at his words. I don't know what to say.

He takes my left foot gently in his hands and slides it into the other warm and fuzzy sock:

"But you're not okay, _are you?_ " He asks, his eyes looking up from my feet to meet my eyes.

He still has that small smile on his lips but I only now realize that it is one of slight sadness. His eyes twinkle. He waits for me to reply. He wants me to talk. He wants me to use my voice.

"I don't know," I reply honestly, baffled at myself " _I really don't know..._ "

I cannot look at him anymore with this thought running through my mind. I avert my eyes to the plush in my hands and feel the tears well up in my eyes.

I don't know.

And I don't like not knowing.

"It's the unknown that scares you." Baekhyun says quietly, as he scoots closer to me, " _same as me._ "

I bring my hand to my face to wipe the tears that had welled up in my eyes. He was right. It was the unknown that scared me most. It was the things that held no explanation. The mysteries of the world. The _mysteries_ of life. The _purpose._ _Death._

"It's okay, though..." Baekhyun tried to reassure me, by placing a tense hand on my shoulder as I wiped my eyes and looked at him.

" _If you could die without losing your life, would you not do the same_?" I ask from the deepest part of my heart, earning an expression of utter surprise from him.

His face is expressive of how taken aback he is of my question as he stares at me with his eyes slightly wide, his pupils dilating in the dim car light. The rain gets faster, pattering picking up in pace. The night suddenly feels colder. It is as if time had picked up in speed. It was as if I was aging at this very moment. _Aging and growing old..._

To my death. My fate.  

To kingdom come. 

But with a swift move, my soul is halted from its shattering. And his lips capture mine. His lips that touch so tender with rhyme. His lips that are so smooth; _so divine_. 

**He stops the time.**

The thunder crashes loudly in the distance, as I will myself to keep my eyes open. His gaze bleeds into mine as neither of us dare to disconnect the swelling heat between our lips. We freeze like this for a moment. Just staring. Neither of us daring. 

But the contact quickly begins to grow cold, as the heat begins to subside. I feel a warm flush flutter up my cheeks, as I want it back. I want that sixth sense from kissing him. This divine light. This captivity that felt so right...

I tilt my head slightly and lean towards him with uncertainty and hesitation, deepening our kiss that seemed to have already surpassed an eternity. I keep my eyes fixed onto his soft features. The color from his face drains, as his eyelids flutter weakly until he finally gives up and closes his eyes, succumbing to my sensual darkness. 

His hands finally brush against my waist before holding me in a loose embrace as I push him down gently and climb on top of him without disconnecting our lips. He is incredibly gentle and kind with my body, even as he joins in on the vivacious kissing. I feel my body burning up bit by bit, little vibrant sparks clouding my peripheral as the hour grows more intense. But I feel a sensation that relaxes me into finally letting loose, and willing myself _to close my eyes peacefully for once..._

But alas it seems I have forgotten why I have deprived myself of such emotion for so long. And it has been here, in the back of mind all this time. **He** has lurked his way into my cortex in a way that imprisons me to him. **He** has found a way to keep what is his. _To break the distance. To stop my resistance._

And so tonight, when passion is nigh with an adrenaline high...

and I finally find it within myself to close my _sore, sore_ _eyes..._

I see Chanyeol. I see his smile. 

But it is brief as his face becomes distorted. The smile twisting into an inhumane visage, dark and demented. 

Quickly, I gasp and wrench myself away from the kiss, as if suffocating from Baekhyun's touch. I cough as the tears well up in my eyes and my heart shrivels up with each irregular breath that is hitched. I clench a hand onto my chest as my head spins with a migraine. 

Baekhyun sits up slowly, propping himself up on his elbows:

"Y/N..." He says softly, grabbing my attention with the sadness in his voice. 

I snap out of my hallucination, only to look at him with a pool of regret in the pit of my stomach.

But it is what I regret that baffles and haunts me more than any physical pain I am feeling right now.

What do I really regret? Kissing Baekhyun? Letting Chanyeol into my mind? 

Becoming a psychologist? 

The longer I look at Baekhyun's beautiful eyes the more pain I feel in my chest, and the more confused and hurt I begin to feel. He stares at me with a subtle desperation glittering in his irises, as his gentle hand takes mine:

"Please, tell me what's wrong..."

The thunder thrashes and roars, its screams crashing outside as I hear it at a volume louder than I should be:

_"He's in my head."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

The sky is black now.

I had come down from my rush of panic and adrenaline, my head now rested on Baekhyun's chest, as he leaned back and held me closely in his arms, the plush blanket encompassing our bodies with a tender warmth that was stark in contrast to the cold weather outside. He had willed me to sleep, telling me to forget about everything and focus on getting some rest. To close my eyes and pretend none of it happened. If only for tonight.

But it's difficult. It's has not been as easy to close my eyes, not without feeling alone. Not without believing I'm so far from home.

I stay awake, staring out the tinted windows dusted with droplets of rain while Baekhyun's slender fingers run through the tangles in my hair. His breathing is steady, a pace that I find I can easily keep up with. He smells of peppermints and cologne, a combination that can be both intoxicating and strangely calming as well. The rise and fall of his chest is as gentle as his quiet breathing, and he slowly falls asleep, giving into the kisses of the moonlight. I realize now that when I am with him, the time seems to stop. This hour has already felt like a week. And I am exhausted.

I sit up slowly in his arms after a few moments, very careful so as to not disturb him. I just want to stare at his soft features. He appears so peaceful while he sleeps, driving my will to stay awake longer. I find myself with the desire to simply sit here like this and watch him until the sunlight reflects upon his face, but my eyes begin to grow heavy just by looking at him.

It makes me feel secure, and I am just about to lay back down with him, wanting to hug his waist and embrace my face into chest-

When suddenly there is a gentle tapping on the window from my left.

I quickly turn my head to look at that window. Only to find it is obscured by the million droplets of rain. I brush the noise off as nothing, averting my attention back to the peaceful person that made me feel something I have not felt naturally in a while. So sleepy...

_Tap, Tap, Tap..._

I turn my head again, quickly to look at the same window. I suddenly become puzzled with what to do next. The pattering of the rain on the window does not make that kind of sound. The tapping I hear is like one from a finger. _Someone's tapping on the glass._

My instincts tell me not to open the door, but the tapping gets more vigorous. I become frightened, as I attempt to ignore it. I pull the blanket over my shoulders and move closer to Bakehyun's body, wrapping my arms around his waist and closing my eyes tightly.

_Tap, Tap, Tap..._

The tapping gets louder and more eager. Baekhyun shifts slightly in his sleep as he begins to hear it and wake up. He sits up slowly, rubbing his eyes, before meeting my eyes with his tired ones:

" _Y/N? What's up, baby..._ "

I look at him with slight embarrassment, before unwrapping myself from him to sit up a bit straighter:

"Someone keeps tapping the window." I whisper.

His eyes widen slightly, before narrowing inquisitively towards the left window. He glances over at me, mouthing _"this one?"_

I nod quickly.

He brushes past me and scoots over to my left. He gestures for me to scoot back, as he slowly places his hand on the door handle. The tapping continues, as my heart rate escalates. He tries to look through the window but it's far too blurry to see who it could be. 

With a click, Baekhyun opens the door and peeks outside. He freezes for a moment, alarming me. I stay still for a while, just watching until the moment grows too long. I extend a hand to tug on Baekhyun's shirt. But he doesn't move. I can only see the horror in his position as his entire body tenses up, and the back of his neck goes pale.

I want to ask what he sees but there is a rotting feeling in my gut that twists and turns, and tells me exactly who it-

"Y/N..."

I can hear his gentle voice in the distance. That nostalgically deep, vibrating tone. My heart sinks. 

Baekhyun turns his head to look at me, searching my eyes for what to do next. He searches for fear, for agony and recoil, but he finds none. I am not afraid of Park Chanyeol.

_I am not afraid of Park Chanyeol._

**"Baekhyun, please...please just let me see her..."** He begs, his throat dry and raspy.

It is as if Baekhyun is in a comatose state as he stares at me like I am what gives him the air to breathe and the will to believe. Like I am the source of what he sees and what is deceived. However, I am at a loss for what to do, and so is he.

But that does not stop him.

With a quick move, Baekhyun pushes his way out of the vehicle, " _Stay here._ " He says sternly, his expression wild and untamed as he steps out into the rain with Chanyeol after shutting the door behind him.

I begin to panic, but decide to listen to him as I pull the blanket over my body and wait with horror. The seconds pass in my head as my feet tingle with the urge to get out and see what's happening out there. I begin to worry.

And what confuses me most is that I care for both of them. _I shouldn't―_ but I do. 

When I am unable to take the racing of my heart in my chest anymore, I open the car door and step outside. The rain is still pouring heavily, as I see them just a few feet away from the car. There is a bruise on Chanyeol's face, as Baekhyun throws multiple punches at him. This image of them almost appears unreal to me.

My hair grows damp, as I see Chanyeol stumble onto the floor. Baekhyun gets on top of him, and screams something at him, but Chanyeol flips them over so that he's on top. He wraps his hands around Bakehyun's neck and starts crying as he looks at him in the eyes. Their movements appear to slow down as my vision gets blurrier and blurrier...

But the rain gets faster.

My feet pick up themselves and I run towards them. I have no thought in my mind for the first time in my life. I have completely left my consciousness behind, in the car, as my body runs towards them instinctively. They both stop and look at me with their eyes wide, and their clothes and hair completely soaked. There is blood on Baekhyun's lip and a reddening bruise on Chanyeol's cheek.

They are frozen when they see me, as I stare at them at a loss for what to feel. My feet are moving but my knees begin to feel weak. My body suddenly begins to shut down, as the numbness of my mind spreads down to my chest, arms and legs. I feel my knees begin to wobble dangerously.

Although they were only a few feet away, why did it feel like I had been running miles?

Chanyeol gets off of Baekhyun, as they both rush towards me.

And it suddenly occurs to me that I haven't even moved at all since getting out of the car. I look down and see my feet firmly planted on the tarmac.

_I had been standing here...this whole time...?_

The rain starts to slow down.

I can see each droplet now, slowly coming down to disperse once it hits the surface of my skin. I feel myself with this strange desire to give into collapse. _My heart hurts so much..._

I let myself fall, but do not feel the impact of the ground as Chanyeol and Baekhyun had ran over just in time to catch me. I feel like I am floating, when their muffled voices call and beg my name repeatedly. My eyelids grow heavy as my breathing hitches a thousand times. I look at Chanyeol who is crying, and Baekhyun who is pale with horror.

_I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to sleep._

Their faces are the last thing I see before the chambers of my weak heart tighten up and allow darkness to span across my entire line of vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone for the love and support. Your kind words have been very inspiring :)


	17. Chapter Seventeen

I awake to the steady rhythm of my heart. 

Its beeping is loud enough to help me open my eyelids.But instantaneously, I become blinded by white. A colorless color. A sickening tint that somehow glitters under painfully bright lights. 

_White ceiling. White walls. White room._

My body is cold, but calmed down now. It takes me a moment to process where I am. I blink a few times, before moving my head to look over to my side. My neck cracks a bit as I do so. The first thing I notice are the two needles in my arm, connected to a wiring that goes up somewhere above my head that I am too exhausted and strained to look at. Everything is still blurry right now...

There are muffled voices, and when my head moves back to look at what is in front of me, I make out three distinct figures. One tall, one short, and another medium, wearing a doctor's outfit. He has a clipboard in his hand, and is explaining something to the other two.

I must be in a hospital.  But why?

I blink a few more times for more clarity, before recognizing the two figures as Chanyeol and Baekhyun from EXO. That charismatic boy group...

The doctor stops talking with them when they notice I am awake. Baekhyun's features soften, as he is the first to approach my side. He takes my hand into his warm one and smiles gently at me. There are a few tears in his eyes but they have not dared to fall yet:

" _Yo._ " He says playfully, although very quietly, so as to not disturb my ears. 

"What..." I try to sit up with haste but he stops me, "...happened?" I squint at him. 

Chanyeol walks over to me and sits on my other side. He doesn't take my hand, but simply stares at me with all of the pain in the world in his eyes:

_"You had a heart attack."_

His face is enough to finally make me remember. As if he was an instant memory bomb of everything I wanted to forget. Everything I was almost able to forget. The terrifying image of the both of them fighting flashes before my eyes again, and I begin to slowly remember that horrific pain. That sadness that bled through me internally. That shriveling of my most vital organ. 

"It's an _incredibly rare_ case, miss..." The doctor pipes up from behind Chanyeol, "Getting a heart attack in your twenties is extremely unusual, let alone surviving one at such a young age. You should think of this as a miracle and treat yourself with more care." 

I am at a loss for words, as Baekhyun and Chanyeol grow silent. There is a moment of just the sounds of medical equipment, before the doctor excuses himself briefly:

"I will give you some moments together before we proceed to our next step." 

" _Thank you._ " Baekhyun says dryly, as the doctor leaves and closes the door behind him. 

I cannot remove my eyes from Chanyeol's as they redden with irritation. He bites his lip and finally looks away from me, averting his gaze to the tiled ground as his lips quiver:

_"I'm sorry..."_

Baekhyun's grip on my hand suddenly tightens, as he brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles with his quivering lips. 

But I do not feel remorse for any of them. I do not feel sentimental, or emotional. The lack of pathos inside of me right now is surprising. The only thing I feel at this very moment, under the bright white lights of the cold hospital room is

Anger.

I snatch my hand away from Baekhyun's lips and sit up, before shooting a glare towards Chanyeol:

"You both almost **killed** me." I announce, perhaps a bit too angrily.

Chanyeol looks up from the ground and stares into my eyes with surprise. I look at Baekhyun, who shares a similar expression to my sudden outburst.

They both exchange glances at each other, before holding their heads down guiltily. I bite my bottom lip to suppress my anger at them both:

"Chanyeol." I start with him.

He looks at me with regret.

" _I want to help you._ " I admit, my voice suddenly softening at his expression. 

Although I do not look at Baekhyun, I take his hand hesitantly into mine again.

" _ **Baekhyun** wants to help you._ " 

Chanyeol looks at us both, taken aback by my words that were far from the previous scolding. Baekhyun tightens his grip on my hand and nods. I look at him:

" _Y/N's right_."

My lips curl into a weak smile, which is all I can manage at the moment. 

"You need her. _Just as much as I do..._ " Baekhyun continues.

" _And she needs the both of us..._ " Chanyeol trails off looking at me.

I feel a light flutter in my heart again, but I am scared now, because I am weak. 

As if on cue, the doctor comes in and rescues me from the strange moment:

"Okay, I am going to have to ask you two to leave while we examine her for any heart palpitations. If all of the other test run smoothly, we should be able to discharge her by tomorrow morning. Sound good?" 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun both get up, their cheeks flushed pink from where our conversation had just ended. They thank the doctor before leaving through the door. 

I lie back down on the comfortable bed and let the nurses run the appropriate tests for the night. 

They end up finishing everything in the late hours of the night, and thankfully everything had seemed to be going okay. The doctor left last, after the nurses, telling me to get some well-deserved rest as he shut the door gently behind him. 

But I knew that wasn't happening anytime soon. 

About twenty minutes pass of my procrastinating on sleep, instead inspecting the IV in my arm like it was even mildly interesting. There were random things running through my mind like endless strings. Each thought connected to another randomly. Past memories, past regrets. _Painless captivity. Painful kiss._

Finally, I heard a few soft knocks on the door, snapping me out of my brooding.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun peek their heads into the room before stepping in. 

I don't know why, but my lips curl into a faint smile. And I leave all of the memories behind. 

_When I am with one of them I feel an adrenaline high. W_ _hen I am with both, I feel the darkness in my life steadily subside..._


	18. Chapter Eighteen

It's been getting colder. 

The sunlight disappears faster now, as I call in my next patient. I take a seat on the plush loveseat, crossing my legs, one carefully over the other as I take my warm cup from the coffee table and bring it to my lips. The drink is rich and fulfilling. My clipboard is cold against my fingertips, as it rests just atop my lap. My eyes narrow like the edge of my fountain pen, as I stare at the individual in front of me who seeks my advice. _My_ guidance on _their_ life. 

I had assumed it would be difficult to get back into everything again. To resume the life I had so willingly left behind. But that's not the case. I am here, back into what I was doing before. I am productive, in my element, and it could be a coincidence.

But I am damn good at what I do.

Chanyeol listens to Baekhyun now. At least more carefully than before. He realizes his insanity, and the ethics of his actions over the last few months. He realizes his mental capacity, and most importantly...

He realizes the _industry_ that he performs for. The industry that he is _a product_ of. 

It is dangerous to be stuck in sentiments when in that industry. It is risky to have friends, lovers, _obsessions_. He realized that he could have lost everything. All that he has worked for. And he has changed for it.

As of late, both Chanyeol and Baekhyun have been busy recording their new album. Their anticipated comeback that has the entire country on their heels. 

And I'm back to square one.

"What other objects elicit an emotion of stress from you?" I ask the patient, as I click my pen and take note of his symptoms, trying not to think too much about Chanyeol and Baekhyun as I do so. 

" **_Pens._ ** " 

I stop writing and look at him with slight puzzlement. He laughs lightly at my expression and shakes his head:

" _I'm kidding._ " 

I sigh lightly and smile towards him. His eyes are incredibly warm, and he has been such an easygoing and refreshing company since I had returned back to my work.

"Do you feel stressed all the time? Or only when you think about your work?" I ask.

"I feel like it should be about work, but it's not. My job can be really demanding at times, but I find myself getting irritated at little things that have nothing to do with my job." He explains with slight unease. 

"Mmm..." I nod my head as I write his response down, "and where is it that you work?" 

He stops and thinks for a moment. I look up from my clipboard and meet his eyes. A little smile plays his lips:

"I'm a dancer."

We continue until the end of the session, my interest peaking like it used to when I was younger. His case was not at all that dangerous or alarming, just minor stress, but it was still interesting nonetheless. I am usually stuck with narcissistic patients, but he was actually very modest and quiet. 

Tolerable.

"I'll see you next week." I smile, waving as he walks out. 

I close the door and sigh with relief of being done for the day as I gather all of my things and start my way back home to my little apartment. 

When I arrive home, I feel a strange sense of nostalgia. Sure, I was unsatisfied with my life's decisions, but I think I was slowly beginning to make the most of everything. I only have a few patients this time around, which makes it easier to focus and analyze each one. Perhaps things were finally starting to look up. Maybe I didn't need to disappear from the world after all. Maybe I could tolerate it.

_Riiiing ~_

I shut my door behind me as I step inside and feel the room's warmth encompass me. I look down at my phone and stare at the incoming call while I slip my shoes off. IT vibrates against the palm of my hand. I squint to read who it is.

_**Byun Baekhyun** _

It had been only a few weeks. I knew he was busy and would send me the occasional texts, but I didn't expect him to call me at all. I tap the screen quickly to answer and bring the phone to my ear:

"H-Hello?"

I slip my jacket off.

" _Y/N?_ " He answers.

"Yea." I reply, as I hang my jacket on a coat hanger.

" _How are you?_ " He asks confidently.

And for the first time, I don't need to think about it.

"I'm well." I say playfully, "How about you?"

He is quiet for a while, before lightening the mood with a gentle laugh:

" _Good. Chanyeol was just asking about you. We really miss you._ " 

I feel my lips curl into a little smile:

"I miss you guys too..." 

Baekhyun is quiet on the other end, but I can hear his steady breathing. The bad part of it is that I know exactly what he's doing. He's savoring the moment. Cherishing these few seconds we are able to speak. 

I know this because I am doing the exact same thing. And it is not so gentle on my heart.

His breath suddenly hitches, as his voice gets quieter and an octave lower:

" _Y/N, I..._ "

I wait uncomfortably for him to say it, praying that he doesn't, as I sit on my sofa with tense shoulders. The air in my warm living room suddenly feels colder, and I get goosebumps on my arms. I know exactly what he was gonna say and I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to feel that way again, not after―

" _I love you._ "

My heart sinks in my chest, and he hangs up before I even find it in me to reply. The line goes silent. 

Frustrated and strangely confused, I shut off my phone and set it aside. I decide to forget about what just happened and instead go freshen up and get ready for bed. I hop into the shower for a quick rinse, before slipping on some comfortable pajamas. I then get into my bed, under the duvet with my head rested on the plush pillow. The view of the sky from the window beside my bed is beautiful tonight, as I gaze at the moon that shines so richly under the blanket of stars. 

I want my eyes to close, and I want to fall asleep. I want to dream and I want to be warm...

 

 

_I love you._

 

But it's the phrase that keeps me up at night.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for these filler chapters, but they are necessary to proceed the plot. They are just as difficult to write as they are to read, I promise. But I try to add a bit of spice here and there. Writing is like cooking...


	19. Chapter Nineteen

It has been a month now, since Baekhyun's declaration of love late at night over the phone. I just let let it slip my mind during the day, focusing my conscious only on work. My job keeps me busy, and free from pondering the philosophical concepts of life that I am so susceptible to for some odd reason. 

It is the only flaw of the night, where I am not free to choose the contents that occupy my mind like the day does. At night, I will rest my head on the pillow to sleep. I will fill my glass to its brim with water; to sleep. I will pull the duvet over my body, for warmth; to sleep. I will close my eyes and try to dream. 

But ironically, the last thing that occurs after all of these events is sleep.

My mind runs wild like a little flame that sparks and starts an entire forest fire. Like a cog in an entire system of clockwork, my mind can be shattered by one little thought. My sleep can be eviscerated by a unit of a memory.

My peace, disemboweled.

My purity, _destroyed._

"So how is your day going so far?" I ask my patient, the dancer, as I take a seat on my chair.

He had to come in early today for some reason. He didn't really specify why. But for some reason I didn't mind. 

"It's good," He replies softly "I have a really busy schedule, so it should give me a lot of stress...but it doesn't."

I nod as I take some notes down on my clipboard, my lips curl into a little smile:

"Something more insignificant is stressing you out..." I mutter quietly, before averting my gaze from my clipboard to his face, " _Correct?_ "

He looks at me slightly taken aback, but his expression quickly softens and he nods:

"Yea."

I set my clipboard aside and sit back in my seat, narrowing my eyes at him:

"Is it..." I think for a moment, "In this room?"

His eyes do not move from mine as he exhales softly:

"Yea."

My instincts are telling me it's something that hasn't been in the room before, since he has always been fine with my office up until now. It must be something I brought in this morning. Something that is not usually here.

I glance around and spot it almost instantly.

"Oh," I stand up and walk over to my desk, picking up the polka dot mug I had brought in as a replacement for the solid-colored one that I usually bring in, " _this?_ "

His eyes widen and his cheeks flush in embarrassment as he looks away from me and shakes his head quickly:

"N-No...what the hell.."

" _Jongin._ " I laugh, as I hide it behind the desk before making my way over to my seat again. I sit down and pick up my clipboard, "I'm your therapist. _You can't lie to me._ " I say playfully.

He looks at me and sighs in defeat, before laughing lightly:

"Shit."

I chuckle and click my pen,

"So what is it about my poor old mug that bothers you so much?"

He rolls his eyes and face palms with embarrassment:

"It's nothing...really...it's stupid..." He shakes his head unwillingly.

I raise an eyebrow at him, as he peeks at me from his hand. He knew I wasn't gonna take no for an answer.

"It's the polka dot pattern," He says, removing his hands from his face and finally giving in "it gives me stress. I hate that pattern so much. It's just..." He cringes.

"I'm offended." I joke, as I jot down his reactions on my clipboard.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly. And the weeks begin to progress just like that day. With comedy. With calmness. With clarity.

_But what is clarity if you are blind?_

I sit on my sofa at the end of the week, my jaw tight, my phone clenched in my left hand as I stare at the blank screen of the television. One of my legs is crossed over the other, as my silk robe hangs loosely off my shoulder. My hair was damp from just showering, and as I sat there and began to reflect upon everything that occurred that week, none of it really made sense. 

These periodic patterns of mental stability are frequent for me. There will be moments where I am filled with optimism, for weeks, or even months. But it always declines into the inevitable. I always come crashing down with something dark that I cannot even comprehend. And it pains me to realize that it is exactly what is happening to me right now. 

It was taking me back again. To fall in the endless hole of nothingness. The silence that ensues after each and every one of my questions. 

My hands begin to tremble, as Baekhyun's words run through my mind fast. Too fast.

_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_

I had been fine for weeks, so why was this happening to me now? Why did it have to happen at all? 

Without wasting anymore time, I call Baekhyun as my breathing begins to become unsteady. I grip the phone tightly in my hand as I bring it up to my ear and begin crying. My tears flood down my cheeks with confusion and hurt. My chest tightens and my heart shrivels up, the air around me is suddenly freezing. I'm reminded of my heart attack. Of that vibrant pain. 

" _Hello?_ "

" _B-Baekhyun..._ " I cry quietly into the phone, my hands shaking

" _Y/N?_   _What's wrong? What happened?!_ " 

" _I..._ " My breath hitches as I begin to cough up my sobs now, " _I can't breathe._ "

" _Fuck...Y/N, I'm on my way right now. Just stay there and wait for me, okay? Please hold on, baby...please..._ " He begs me as I hear his hurried shuffling.

My hands shake more vigorously now as I drop my phone out of my hand and stand up as fast as I can. I stumble my way into the kitchen, the room spinning around me in circles as I search for something, _anything_ to suppress this pain in my chest. 

I see a tempting bottle of intense painkillers, but know all too well that I shouldn't ingest anything like that when I'm like this. The pain grows worse as I feel a migraine beat loudly in my mind, telling me to take the whole bottle. Telling me to stuff them all down my dry throat and end this misery. I take the bottle into my hands and cry more, as the pain in my heart burns me from the inside out. 

_**Ding!** _

The doorbell suddenly chimes, causing me to jump and drop the bottle on the ground. I disregard it and desperately run to the door, "Baekhyun!" 

I open the door as quickly as I can with my weak hands as I am at the very brink of collapse. However, upon opening the door I see my patient, Jongin. He stares at me with wide eyes, as I stand in front of him, panting, my eyes blood-shot red, drowning my entire face with tears.

" _What...what happened?_ " He asks with wide eyes, as he quickly takes my arm and helps me sit on my sofa. 

My head feels light as I grip his sleeve, my body slowly drifting away from my consciousness:

" _Don't..._ " I move my hand and weakly push his face away, " _Don't look at me._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, our nini Jongin has arrived.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will update soon. I have been a bit slow because I am working on a different story that has not been published here...yet... ;)


	20. Chapter Twenty

The air around me is warm when I am conscious again. It stings, but I manage to open my eyelids slightly through all their weight. The dimmed lights of my living room are even enough to make me squint in irritation, but I accustom to them quickly, especially upon the sight of my patient Jongin conversing rather casually with my crush Baekhyun. 

But if these two were right in my peripheral vision, whose slender hands were in my hair? Gently untangling the strands? My breath hitches, and I sit up as quickly as I can before turning around.

Of course it was him. 

"Chanyeol." I say his name as if to somehow convince myself that he was the source of all of the comfort. My throat grows dry, and my face feels warm.

"You're awake." He says gently although his eyes hold slight concern, " _Are you feeling alright?_ " 

I nod, before averting my gaze to Jongin and Baekhyun who both approach me. 

"Y/N!" Baekhyun exclaims, as I stand up to hug him, lifting my self away from Chanyeol. Baekhyun pulls me into his embrace warmly and rests his chin on my shoulder, rubbing my back soothingly:

" _You scared me again, baby girl..._ " he whispered, before pulling away gently to stare into my eyes. I felt goosebumps creep all up my arms as he cupped my cheek in his hand and gently brushed his thumb across my face, "What happened?" 

_I know exactly what happened._

"I-I don't know..." I lie, averting my eyes over to my patient Jongin who stood behind Baekhyun and watched me with curiosity.

"It's okay." Baekhyun reassured me, grabbing my attention again with his stunning voice, "Just take it easy for the rest of the day, okay?"

I nod, enjoying our close proximity as I feel him pull me in for another hug. I wrap my arms around him quietly and close my eyes, burying my face into his warm chest. He pauses for a moment, before muttering for Jongin and Chanyeol to leave. Jongin makes up something to excuse himself and immediately leaves afterwards. 

Chanyeol hesitates, but shuts the door on his way out. 

Baekhyun helps me sit back on the sofa with him before taking a seat next to me. He puts a pillow on his lap and ushers for me to lie my head there. I comply without questioning it, and immediately feel his gentle fingers comb through my hair. 

I sigh and close my eyes. 

" _Do you like it when I touch you like this, Y/N?_ " He asks softly.

I nod, too physically and mentally exhausted to be embarrassed.

He laughs lightly: 

" _Really?_ " He mumbles, as he continues to comb his fingers through my hair with careful movements, stroking the strands gently and at a therapeutically slow pace, " _weirdo..._ " 

I hit him on his arm playfully and we both start laughing. 

But the room suddenly gets cold, and our laughter dies out with the gradually increasing and overpowering tension dancing in the air. The moment becomes shattered by our mutual realization. Our mutual recollection. 

" _I'm sorry about that night. It was immature of me._ " Baekhyun says impulsively, bringing the topic up as if it had been on his chest the entire time. But his voice is surprisingly calm as his hands continue to caress my hair.

I lift my head off of his lap and sit up slowly. My heart skips a beat as I look at him with my face beginning to pale. My hands start to feel cold and I become anxious. He stares at me with concern written all over his face. 

"But was it true?" I ask, wondering at the same time where I had found the confidence to do so.

Baekhyun freezes, briefly taken aback by my sudden question. But he had to have known it would be lingering, in the back of my mind at least. I feel myself grow more and more anxious as the seconds fly by and he is silent. My eyes sting, as he averts his gaze away from mine. 

" _You're doing this all over again._ " I say calmly, although my eyes are burning with the urge to release tears, " _You're doing the same thing you did to me in high scho-_ " 

" ** _It's true._** " He says suddenly, and I feel my heart sink rather than skip. He sighs and turns to me, scooting closer and cupping my cheeks with his warm hands. He brushes his thumbs over my eyes to wipe the little tears that had escaped. I stare at him as his eyes meet mine again. He smiles faintly and leans in to press his lips onto my own for a tender kiss that I immediately feel myself melt into.

He pulls away gently, sliding his hands down to my neck, " _I love you..._ " He whispers gently, leaning into the crook of my neck, " _I want you to be mine. I just didn't know if you..._ " He stopped before he could finish his sentence, instead replacing his words with a little kiss along the surface of my shoulder. His breathing became unsteady. 

My breath hitches when he begins to pepper my neck with sweet kisses. I rest my head back on the sofa to give him more access while he snakes his hands around my waist and bites my neck gently. He smooths the palm of his hand over my body once before moaning softly, kissing up my jaw until he captures my lips once more. His hands slid up under my shirt and he leaned in to deepen the contact. I couldn't move as he pushed me carefully to lie down on the sofa, climbing on top of me. The minutes grew more and more intimate, as he hovered over me with lust glittering his eyes.

He leaned closer to me to capture my lips once more, snaking his knee right in between my legs this time as his hands held down my shoulders. My breathing became erratic as he pressed against my heat firmly, eliciting a moan to escape my lips. He suddenly froze as if my noise had triggered something within him. As if it had snapped him back to reality.

"W-What..." He panted, his cool breath fanning my hot cheeks as his eyes were blown out wide with realization and his cheeks were peppered pink, " _What am I doing...?_ " 

My head spun with confusion as I was lost in the heat of the moment to realize what was happening.  He let go of me and got off of my body quickly, apologizing over and over again. I sat up slowly and could only watch him with concern as he paced back and forth, feeling cold upon the loss of his body pressed against mine.

"I can't..." He began softly, as he walked back over to sit beside me, "I can't be in a relationship..." His expression was washed over with immense guilt as he stared at me, "My job would make it impossible."

A part of me knew that it wasn't his fault. A part of me knew that I shouldn't blame him for the regulations regarding his employment and the tight schedules and overwhelming paparazzi. But there was still that part of me that was angry at him. A dark part that wanted him to just dedicate himself to how he felt for once. Why couldn't he just follow his heart? Why did he have to let something like his job stop him? I felt cruel being mad at him for these things, but I can't help it. I am angry inside. I'm fuming and I want to kick him out of the room. I want to tell him to get lost and disappear from my life. **To stop tormenting me and making me think that we actually have a _chance_. **

I feel my lips curl into a sad smile,

" _It's okay, Baekhyun._ " 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my brief period of absence, but I am happy to announce my return along with a new story. LOVE SHOT.  
> I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and I am sorry for this angst. I truly wish I could have written something more cheerful to fit the holidays, but alas I am a grinch when it comes to romance. 
> 
> On another note, I am happy to announce the creation of a new story that has been inspired by the repackage album. Love Shot is an Mafia!OT9/Reader thriller, suitable only for readers with a certain amount of adrenaline and insanity lurking in their veins. 
> 
> Magnum Opus is a Photogropher!Kai/Reader that is composed of fluff with dark elements and slice of life. 
> 
> If you enjoy this story, please support my other ones! Thank You and Happy Holidays!


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

The week went by quietly. 

I hadn't really heard from Baekhyun after that day where we confessed our feelings for each other. Or where he made it perfectly clear that we were impossible. Because he couldn't risk his job for me. He couldn't risk his fame and prosperity for love. He just wasn't that type of person. And maybe I'm not really worth all of that. It's okay.

_It's okay._

I keep telling myself it's okay, but is it really?  Why is this conclusion so surprising to me? Why am I so taken aback by his response? 

_"Y/N?"_

My breath hitches and gets caught in my throat, I blink rapidly as I cough and choke slightly. I set my clipboard down and pick up my glass of water. It's cold. I press the tip of the glass on my bottom lip but it burns me like ice. Like it was a kiss from Baekhyun. A distant, cold and unforgiving kiss that felt like an _avalanche_ but was instead _glacial nothingness._ I jump at the contact, the glass slips from my hands and the water spills down my blouse. The glass finally hits the dark tiles of my office and shatters into little pieces. 

I blink again, staring at the pieces, before finally realizing where I am. I avert my eyes in front of me to see that I have a patient, and I was in the middle of an appointment. I push myself up from the chair to crouch down and pick up the pieces of glass. Silence fills the room before I hear my patient shuffle over before coming over to help me pick up the remaining pieces. 

"I'm sorry, Jongin..." I sigh, disappointed at myself.

"It's fine." He replies, carefully gathering pieces of the broken glass into his hand "Is everything okay?" 

I nod without even bothering to think, as I throw the glass shards away and grab a little broom from the closet to sweep up the smaller pieces. The minutes go by quietly, until I manage to sweep up a good portion of the glass and throw it away. I take my place back in my chair and compose myself as I cross one leg over the other and bring my clipboard comfortably back onto my lap. I click my pen and stare at my notes for a few seconds, before looking up at Jongin, who was still standing there with the glass shards in his hands. 

I watch him curiously, my eyes widening slightly when I see him slowly squeeze his hand into a fist, the glass shards cutting faintly into his skin the harder he squeezed, until little pearls of blood began to bead down his wrists. His gaze was indifferent as he stared at his hand, and didn't flinch at the cuts. My lips parted slightly but no words came out. It was as if I was frozen where I was, watching him hurt himself for no reason. 

Then suddenly my humanity found me, and I pushed myself off the seat, quickly making my way over to him. I grabbed his hand and pulled his fingers out from the balled up fist he was holding so tightly. His eyes met mine and he blinked rapidly, suddenly releasing his hand and letting the pieces fall to the floor. I stared at his face, his chocolate eyes blown out wide as his breathing suddenly became erratic, like he had been holding his breath this whole time.

"Are you alright?" I ask gently.

He nods quickly, his lips curling into an uneasy smile:

"I-I have to go..." 

"But we still have thirty minutes lef-"

His eyes suddenly turn dark, but the uneasy smile still plays his lips:

" **It's okay.** Thanks, Y/N. I'll see you next week..." He says quickly, showing me his hand and laughing lightly as if it was a silly mistake. 

For some reason, my feet are grounded to the floor and my lips are glued shut as I watch him leave through the door. I suddenly feel colder, and my head begins to ache. My eye twitches slightly before growing wet. I bring a hand to my cheek and feel the tears gather at my eyes. I make my way over to my desk and grab some tissues, but I freeze before I can grab the box. 

Because there, at the corner of my wooden office desk, sat the polka-dot cup that Jongin hated so much. The cup that I promised I wouldn't ever bring in again, and that I really don't even remember bringing in this morning. 

The cold traveled along my spine, up and down my arms, across the back of my neck and even to my feet. The cold burned into my eyes and tore my skull inside out, bit at the nape of my neck with malicious intent and pressed itself hard against my lips with sexual hunger. 

_It's okay._

\- - - 

The sun isn't due to come up for another few hours. The night is not young anymore, and continues to age as I shift uncomfortably in my bedsheets. When I try to pull my blanket over my shoulders it becomes too hot. And yet, when I disregard it, it becomes too cold. When the fluctuation in temperature becomes too painful for me to endure, I push myself off of my bed and make my way to the kitchen, where the cold tiles feel ecstatic against the surface of my throbbing feet. 

I open the refrigerator to find only half-filled bottles of beer and a bowl of strawberries. I sigh and stare at the two varieties of contents in my refrigerator and question the last time I went grocery shopping. But I soon realize that was a mistake, because following that thought comes the distant memory of meeting Baekhyun in the parking lot a while back. 

_Remembering his gentle eyes and playful smile. His soft skin and gentle hands. His pretty voice and-_

My phone suddenly begins vibrating, as if to obstruct these heart-wrenching thoughts. I close the refrigerator and walk over to pick up my cellphone from the counter. I squint at the screen, the name blurry until I focus my vision:

Chanyeol. 

I pause for a second before I swipe to answer the call, bringing my phone slowly up to my ear.

 _"Hello?"_   I hear his voice with strange clarity.

My lips are stuck for a few seconds before I finally manage to speak:

"Hey." 

"Sorry I'm calling so late..."  He sighs, and I look over at my clock to see that it's almost 4am.

"It's alright."  I reply, pressing my palm against the cold counter-top. 

He is quiet for a while, and all I hear is his gentle breathing before he finally speaks again:

"Are you sleepy?"

"No."

"Me either." 

More silence. But it isn't painful. 

And I hear the wind blow from other line. 

My eyes avert to my window, and I spot the trees rustling. My chest tightens, as I hold my breath and grip my phone tighter, whether it be because of anticipation or eagerness:

_"Where are you?"_

I hear the wind blow from his line of the phone again and watch again as the little trees outside my window rustle again. His voice is softer:

_"Outside."_

The air suddenly feels lighter as my feet move towards the front door on their own, and my free hand reaches for the handle. I grip the phone closer to my ear as I listen to the wind blow. I twist the handle and pull the door open slowly. 

A gust dances into my home, pushing my hair back lightly and peppering my face. I stare at Chanyeol as he stands at my doorstep, his phone still brought up to his ear as he stared at me. I pause for a moment, not really believing my eyes as I blink before turning my phone off and slipping it into my pocket. I step aside and hold the door open for him to come in. He smiles sheepishly and thanks me quietly while putting his phone away. He steps inside and rubs his hands together to create friction from the cold. 

I close the door behind him and gesture him over to the living room. He takes off his jacket and sits down on the sofa. I walk back to the refrigerator and take out the bowl of strawberries. I come back over and place them on the coffee table in front of the sofa, before taking a seat next to him. He turns his head and looks at me, his face pale and his nose reddening slightly from standing in the cold. I stare at him and smile faintly.

"Thanks for coming." I say softly.

His eyes widen slightly before he laughs lightly, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly:

"I thought you'd think it was weird of me to just show up this late at night..." 

I push myself to laugh, as I reach over and grab a strawberry:

"Yea..." 

He is silent for a while, as he glances around my living room. I watch him as I bite into the strawberry and flinch at the slightly sour taste. Chanyeol averts his gaze back to me and smiles gently at me.

His presence this late at night, the sound of the wind and the bitter taste of the strawberry was so surreal in this moment. I felt as if I was dreaming. As if I had actually fallen asleep on my uncomfortable bed and was now just imagining things.

 _"So, how are you?"_   He asks.

I finish eating the strawberry and clear my throat slightly as I sit up a little and nod:

_"Great."_

His gaze moves, down my neck and back up to rest on my lips before meeting my eyes again. His eyes are soft, touching mine with such warmth and radiance in his glance:

"I don't think sharing strawberries with me at 4am qualifies you to lie to me."

I roll my eyes playfully.

Chanyeol looks at me with slight concern, although his little smile still plays his lips. His hand moves carefully over to grip mine. I look down at our hands quickly before looking at him.

"You're hands have been shaking since I entered..." He says softly, brushing his thumb against my knuckles _"am I bothering you?"_

I sigh and shake my head, pulling my hand away from his. I cross my arms over my chest and bite my lip as I feel my eyes suddenly burn.

"Then what is it, Y/N..." He asks quietly, _"what's wrong?"_

My body begins reacting on its own as I move my gaze up to meet his eyes. I finally let my mind comprehend the things that have been _wrong_   the past week and it just overwhelms me. His expression falls to full concern when he notices the tears gathering at the corner of my blood-shot gaze. I uncross my arms and hold my hands out in front of me to watch them tremble, my fingers vibrating on their own as my heart races loudly in my chest. 

 _"Please hold me, Chanyeol..."_ my voice cracks, as my walls come tumbling down _"please..."_

I don't really have to say any more as I instantly feel him pull me into his large embrace, the warmth of his chest radiating off of his body to encompass my entire being. His arms wrap around me securely, his hand gently rubbing my back as I break into his chest and grip his cotton shirt. I am relatively quiet as I fall apart, soaking his clothes with my misery. His hold around me tightens, and I feel cruel for putting him in this position- for showing him the pathetic parts of me and leaving him with the inability to aid me emotionally; only physically. 

"Y/N..."

 _"I hate it here, Chanyeol..."_ I cry, as I grip his shirt tighter  _"I hate living like this. I want to forget about everything, I want to go to sleep..."_

He sighs and rubs my back, pulling me closer. But what he says next isn't really reassuring or comforting,

It's rather true and horrifically accurate instead.

"I know, Y/N..." He begins gently, "and this is _exactly_   what I was trying to keep you from. This cruel world where everyone is only after hurting you and torturing your mind. Twisting your heart until you finally lose it and go insane.  _I just wanted to protect you from all this. I wanted to keep you safe..."_

Chanyeol pauses, burying his face into my shoulder as he breathes deeply. My shoulder suddenly feels wet as he hides his secret tears. And I suddenly feel hot again, too hot for my own comfort. His words burn into me like they had so many times before, his voice cracking if only slightly to light up the spitting flame in my cold, sleepless night:

**_"But you didn't let me."_ **

 


End file.
